


I Followed You

by windbloom



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Romance, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-22 15:58:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2513501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windbloom/pseuds/windbloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuvira has a past that shapes who she is and who she's destined to become. Suyin Beifong plays an important role. What starts as a friendship grows into more, and eventually it becomes too much. Feelings are dealt with, or not dealt with. Power, adoration, lust, obsession, and love mix together to shape the lives of two powerful women who, under different circumstances, would have been perfect for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From Above

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this while the series was still running. At the time, we knew very little about Kuvira's backstory or how things would eventually play out. I've decided not to go back and change anything based on what we now know, which means that this story is now more properly classified as an Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence. Taking note of the year will hopefully make it easier to keep track of what's happening when. Everything is happening out of chronological order at this point. 
> 
> I really appreciate feedback, so please, feel free.

_152 AG_

The first time Kuvira saw Zaofu it was from above. When the airship curved around the mountain, the sun was just starting to rise, and the morning light tinted everything orange and pink. Her mother had said something, but she was too entranced by the enormous unopened lotus flowers sitting in the middle of the valley, casting long dark shadows on the fields and rivers that flanked them. At first, she had thought they were giant sculptures, but as they began to open up, her eyes widened and she pressed her palm against the glass of the window. They unfolded slowly, and as the metallic petals spread they reflected the growing light in a dazzling show of silver and gold. She drew in a sharp breath.

She had never seen anything more beautiful, or more powerful.

As they neared the landing pad, she began to see the details of the city more clearly. Each structure was wholly separate, but all of them were connected by a monorail system.

“That monorail is the _only thing_ Zaofu has in common with Ba Sing Se,” her father remarked proudly.

“Look who’s excited now,” her mother teased. Kuvira didn’t want to look away from the city, but she could hear the sound of ruffled clothing as her parents held each other’s hands.

“I can’t believe how lucky we are. Do you know how hard it was for me to have the architects see her? I had to wait for hours.”

“I know how much you hate waiting,” her mother remarked idly.

“Bah. But really, I didn’t think they were going to see her. I didn’t want to be pushy, but then they were carrying a crate of ore and some of it was about to spill out and she bended it away from the guy’s foot! It was incredible. They all stopped what they were doing to look over at us.”

“That’s about the tenth time you’ve told me, dear.”

They were talking about her like she wasn’t there again. This time she didn’t mind. She looked out the window, squinting her eyes against the harsh rising light. The central lotus was larger than the rest. Tall spires rose out of the center. The metal city. She could already feel the energy of the refined earth, rumbling in her core.

“It’s because of you that we’re here, Vee. You’re going to do great things.”

She felt her father’s hand on her shoulder.

She turned her head and nodded slightly. After a brief moment, she returned her focus back to the city. It glittered in the light like a promise; reflected in the deep waters of her heart like a wish. Nothing would ever be the same. She would do great things.

She was eight years old.

* * *

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap first, honey? You’ve been up all night.”

“I’m fine,” she said flatly, resolutely, in the way that she knew would work. She was horribly tired, but she didn’t want to sleep. She wouldn’t be able to even if she tried. The metallic energy all around her was too much to bear. She wondered if every metalbender felt like this, when they came to Zaofu for the first time.

They disembarked from the airship and followed the path down a long flight of stairs that led to a giant courtyard. The architecture took Kuvira’s breath away. They were surrounded by white-metal pillars, beautifully shaped and arced across sculpted gardens and flowing streams set into the shining metal panels in the ground. It was like walking into another world. A tall woman in a flowing dark green robe approached them.

“Are you the new arrivals?”

“Yes. We’re from Ba Sing Se.”

“Welcome to Zaofu. I’m Sen.” She bowed slightly, and her dark hair fell across one bright green eye. She raised her hand up to brush the hair out of her face as she rose.

 _Even the people are different._ Kuvira stared up at her. The bracelet around Sen’s wrist vibrated slightly. She glanced at her bracelet and then looked down at Kuvira. She smiled.

“You must be Kuvira.”

Kuvira nodded.

“We’re always happy to take new metalbenders into the fold.” Sen turned and motioned to a stationary rail car in the distance. “If you’d come with me, I can show you around.”

They followed her and sat in one of the front compartments. The rail car was slow to start, but eventually it kept a good pace. The track went back around the landing pad and twisted off towards the central compound. They passed a smaller compound off to the right. Kuvira could see people in the distance, bending a giant sheet of metal atop a building into what seemed to be a roof.

“Even after two years, there are still plenty of active construction projects,” Sen remarked idly as she followed Kuvira’s gaze.

“Amazing,” her mother said in awe, “and it’s all made out of metal?”

“Well, most of it. The defensive panels and perimeter wall are, but probably not most beds or couches.” Sen looked down at Kuvira and winked. Kuvira felt fuzzy. She felt at home. These were her people, and she felt like she finally belonged.

“What are they building?”

“A stadium. For sport.” Sen paused and watched the roof curve around the wide building. “And the northern compound is for the artist’s conclave.”

“In Ba Sing Se, artistic endeavors are relegated to the court,” Kuvira’s father mentioned sullenly. Her mother clasped his hand. Sen looked back at them, and her eyes softened.

“In Zaofu, all that is asked of us is that every individual live up to their full potential. Our matriarch, Suyin Beifong, has encouraged us to follow those deepest desires, so that we may strive to be the best possible version of ourselves.”

Kuvira stared at her. She wanted to say something, but she didn’t have any time. The rail car passed the central compound and she turned her head just in time to see an expertly sculpted statue of a woman standing in a robe, holding the Metal Clan insignia above her head.

“Toph Beifong,” Sen said, as if answering a question no one had the courage to ask. “Suyin’s mother. The very first metalbender. She’s the reason Zaofu exists at all. I’ve heard that she’s planning to visit the city soon, to see her daughter’s progress.”

Kurvira turned her head to look at the statue even as the rail car passed it. Toph Beifong. Suyin Beifong. Important people. Powerful people with a purpose. She rolled the names around in her mind, and they cascaded through her thoughts like a thick fog.

“Maybe someday you’ll get to meet her,” Sen remarked as she looked down at Kuvira.

“I’d like that,” Kuvira replied. She looked out the window, but eventually her focus shifted, and in the window she saw not the land before her, but her own reflection. She looked at herself. Her eyebrows, the mole at her cheek. The way her dark hair fell down one side of her face. Someday, she thought, she would make for a great statue.


	2. Purple Light

_171 AG_

Suyin’s guest house had such a wonderful view of the city. Kuvira watched as tiny flickers of light entered the room at either end of the closed curtains at the large window. She tried to imagine what it must look like outside on such a cold, bright, windy day. She could hear the breeze blowing through the trees, and the waterfall at the edge of the grounds flowing down onto rocks. The metal chimes hanging on the porch outside were making pretty sounds as they knocked against each other in the wind, and she thought she could hear a game of power disc being played off in the distance.

She felt entirely at peace in the darkened room. The room she’d come to in the morning after arriving at rehearsal only to find that Suyin had cancelled. Kuvira hadn’t been able to hide her smile as she took a rail car to Suyin’s estate. They had certainly perfected this game of theirs. No more meaningful glances after rehearsal, or just before the end of Kuvira’s watch. When Suyin cancelled dance rehearsal, Kuvira knew where to go.

Using the guest house had been Kuvira’s idea, but it was Suyin who made it happen.

Kuvira could still taste Suyin on her lips. She turned her head to look at her as she slept. Her eyes were soft. A dreamless sleep. Suyin didn’t seem to ever have trouble sleeping. Kuvira couldn’t help but be a little jealous. Sleep had never come easily for her.

Of course, in Suyin’s bed she had always slept like a rock.

Even with Suyin’s eyes closed, and her lips sealed, and her breathing soft and shallow, Kuvira couldn’t say the words. She swallowed up the words that wanted to spill out, uncontrollably, and scatter themselves across the floor like tiny pieces of paper. Impossible to pick back up; impossible to ignore.

She knew that words were just empty air.

Kuvira touched Suyin’s cheek. She thought her hand might feel cold, but Suyin didn’t open her eyes. They stayed shut, and her lips stayed slightly parted. Those lips. A shiver ran up Kuvira’s spine. Those lips knew her; knew her more than she knew herself. She sucked in a sharp breath.

Everything still felt like a dream. Had she really come this far? From a shack in Ba Sing Se to Suyin Beifong’s bed? But it was more than that.

It was so much more than that.

Purple light. Kuvira noticed it first in thin lines on the wall, and as she turned her head towards the window the light got deeper and brighter. She slipped out from under the covers and pushed herself off the bed. She stepped over to the window and pulled back the curtain.

The sky was glowing. Purple, with green and blue streaks in the sky. She pulled the curtain wider and stared up in awe. It was terrible and beautiful at the same time. A memory clicked into place in her mind and she realized what she was looking at.

“Spirit lights…” Suyin whispered from behind her. She turned her head. Suyin had pulled herself up to sit in bed. Her eyes were wide as she stared up at the sky.

“Above Zaofu?” Kuvira said severely, and she turned her head back. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Suyin said, sounding worried. She stood up and started to put her clothing back on. Kuvira did the same.

“I need to get on the coms,” Suyin said quickly. Her expression was hardened, determined. The softness that had come with sleep had faded away.

“Let me come with you,” Kuvira stood up straighter. She was in her dance clothing, but her face was that of a soldier.

“I’m… I need to check in with my family first,” Suyin said, looking away quickly, "I don't think you should join me."

Kuvira could hear the thinly veiled guilt in Suyin's voice and it made her stomach take a turn. She set her jaw, and kept her expression as blank as possible.

“Right,” she said coolly. “I’ll start preparing the guard for full lock-down.”

“Thank you. I’ll catch up with you later,” Suyin said, and she hurried across the room to give the younger woman a brief hug and a peck on the cheek. When Suyin pulled away, they looked into each other's eyes briefly. The spirit lights played on her face. Kuvira’s own expression was backlit by them, and dark with shadow.

After Suyin made her exit, Kuvira turned back to the window and looked up at the sky. The eerie purple glow was unsettling. It made Kuvira feel a deep sense of dread. She forced the feeling away.

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

It was then that she looked down, across the garden. Opal Beifong was standing quite still, staring back at her. Kuvira recognized her, though the two of them had never exchanged more than a few words. Opal's eyes were wide, and her lips were thin. She had seen everything.

Kuvira smirked.


	3. Reading Between the Lines

_164 AG_

Kuvira made sure she arrived early to the Recital Compound. She hadn’t slept well the night before. Mostly she was just tossing and turning, waiting for the next day to arrive, so getting out of bed was relatively easy. She left just before dawn and took the earliest rail car to the newly-built compound.

She stood by the rail car’s window and paged through a newspaper. The featured article was about Suyin Beifong’s newest creative endeavor—the very first metalbending dance troupe. The article went on to talk about her children and their various recent achievements. Her youngest ones, two twin boys, had already invented an entirely new metalbending sport, and it was so new that they hadn’t even named it yet.

Kuvira studied the article carefully. She had always found Zaofu’s matriarch intriguing, but she was hardly ever in the press. Her affairs were kept mostly private, and Kuvira realized the only reason she had probably volunteered to run the story at all was to create awareness for her new dance troupe. Clever.

She stepped off the rail car and hurried up the expanding stairway towards the dance hall. She pushed the tall door open and looked around. Like all the buildings in Zaofu, this one had been breathtakingly designed. It was also empty. A large metal sculpture of a lotus stood in the middle of the hall. She dropped her bag by a sculpted pillar near the middle of the hall and started to wrap athletic tape up one of her wrists. A few minutes later, a door opened at the other side of the building.

“Well, I didn’t expect anyone to be here yet.”

Kuvira glanced up to see Suyin Beifong approaching her. Kuvira had expected this. She looked back down, focusing on the slow surety of her hands are she wrapped the tape around her forearm tightly.

“I wanted to get here early.”

“But you know, it’s not first come, first serve,” Suyin said lightly as she walked towards the middle of the hall. She was wearing a modified version of the dark green formal robes Kuvira had always seen her wearing in photographs. They fit her more tightly and were sleeveless at the arms.

“I’m aware of that.” Kuvira said resolutely, but she couldn’t help but smirk. She raised her eyes to meet Suyin’s for a brief moment before returning to taping her arm. Suyin peered at her.

“Hm, you look familiar. Were you in Huan’s group at the artist conclave’s last show?”

Kuvira looked up and nodded once. She hadn’t expected Suyin to remember her. They had only met very briefly, and it had been over a year ago.

“Kuvira, was it?”

Suyin had remembered her name.

“That’s right,” Kuvira said, and then paused. Things had gotten interesting very quickly. She’d take her chances.

“Art is such a profound tool, don’t you think?” Kuvira said idly as she reached down to tape up her ankles. She could feel Suyin’s eyes on her; watching her. She continued talking, controlling the speed of her voice.

“To transform our surroundings, selectively and with great care, until we create something that another person can comprehend, and respond to emotionally.”

She bent down further. She had always been naturally flexible. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Suyin look away.

“But a work of art isn’t a living thing. We can see it and touch it, but it won’t respond to us. It’s a one-way street. In the end…” she said, voice rising somewhat as she rose to stand at her full height, “its people that matter.”

“Is that why you left the conclave?” Suyin replied curiously.

Kuvira smiled slightly. She realized that Suyin knew much more about her than she was letting on. Kuvira supposed that knowing, on some level, about all the members of her clan was part of her job.

“It’s why I’m here.”

Suyin looked at Kuvira thoughtfully. Kuvira had time to notice the finer details of her face. The exact shade of green that her eyes were, and the laugh lines beneath them and around her mouth. The way her greying hair curled, slightly longer on one side. The curve of her lips. The newspaper photographs didn’t do her justice.

“Well, Kuvira,” Suyin said, as the doors opened and other people started to wander in, “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

* * *

 

Suyin stood before the assembled group.

“First of all, thank you, everyone, for coming. I didn’t expect such a turnout, especially since I’ve been keeping mostly to myself these past few years. Raising children can be… a challenge at times.”

Suyin smiled while the people gathered around her laughed lightly. Her smile was somehow both apologetic and charming at the same time. It pulled at Kuvira in a way she hadn’t expected. She took note of it, and wondered if she could pull off a similar expression if she tried.

“I’ve wanted to create a dance troupe for a long time since the creation of Zaofu, but I wanted to do it right.” Suyin’s gaze rested on Kuvira for a moment. The younger woman froze. She couldn't help but appreciate Suyin’s speaking voice; her demeanor. She had such a commanding presence, and it was so completely different from when they had talked alone in the hall just a moment ago.

“I’m prepared to put my heart and soul into this, and make something truly amazing. I’m hoping that everyone who’s here wants to do the same. So! With that out of the way, let’s get started.”

Kuvira looked around quickly to size up the competition. An even mix of men and women of varying ages and body types. There was only one other girl around her age, with short, light brown hair. She didn’t seem to pose much of a threat. Kuvira could feel her muscles vibrating with the pent up energy she’d been holding in since last night.

“As you all know, there are only a limited number of slots, so it’s important that I handpick this first group. There will be secondary and tertiary groups for the ones who don’t make the cut.”

“Brutal,” the girl with the short brown hair muttered. Kuvira didn’t turn her head.

“There are two types of roles I need,” Suyin continued and she turned to look at the large metallic petal sculpture at the center of the room.

“One of them will make use of some advanced bending techniques. The other is more acrobatic-focused, lots of jumping, balancing, and flying through the air.”

“I’d like you to decide for yourselves which role you’d like to play. Benders to the right. Acrobats to the left.” She spread out her arms to motion to the left and right of her. People started to move. Kuvira watched the girl who had spoken earlier head over to the acrobat side. In fact, most of the acrobats were the younger, more athletically built members of the group, whereas the bending side consisted mainly of older, stockier men and women.

She walked over to the bender side. She could feel Suyin’s eyes on her once again. Most of the people in the group were staring at her, in fact. She fought to conceal her smirk and tried to look as humble as possible. She wanted these people to like her.

“Alright, good,” Suyin turned to the bending group and smiled. “All of you should be able to easily manipulate the petal behind me, with rhythmic control and precision. Observe.”

Suyin demonstrated. Kuvira had never seen her bend in person before. She had to tear her eyes away from Suyin’s flowing form. The way her muscles flexed and coiled as she twisted her arms burned itself into Kuvira’s mind like spears of lightning against a dark sky.

The lotus had opened, in much the same way that the giant lotus-like compounds they lived in opened every morning. It expanded beautifully, and the petals flipped upwards. Kuvira understood the whole of the dance before Suyin had finished, without even having to see the acrobatic part. They were going to use the metal as a springboard.

Suyin’s eyes flashed, sharp and green, and in one final movement the lotus closed. She turned, and Kuvira couldn’t help but steal a glance.

“Like that,” she said, and then she stepped aside.

Kuvira waited until the very end to take her turn. It was the obvious thing to do. When she was finally up, she stepped forward and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath in and focused. When her eyes opened, they were narrowed with a terrible determination.

She had read between the lines of Suyin’s demonstration. What she hadn’t told them, was that it wasn’t just the metal that they needed to control. This was a dance, after all. Their movements mattered, maybe even more than the metal itself.

She channeled the metal, and each time she sent it curving upwards or arcing back down, her own body moved with equal fluidity and grace. Time, space, and everything else melted away around her. Nothing else mattered. There was only this moment. Her performance. A performance she suddenly realized she was doing for Suyin alone.

When she was finished, she could vaguely hear applause, far off in the distance. She turned her head and looked straight at Suyin. Her expression said everything. _This is what I’ve got._


	4. Out of Place

_171 AG_

Kuvira glanced at a newspaper on the edge of a rail car seat beside her. The Avatar peered back at her from within the black and white photograph. Kuvira’s eyes scanned the headline.

_Avatar Saves the World._

The truth about the purple light had traveled slowly, and before any of them knew exactly what it was, it had already faded away. Harmonic Convergence was over. The world had been saved, and the spirit portal had been left open.

There would be change.

Kuvira looked towards the window. Her reflection, tinted orange in the dying light, stared back at her.

_“I don't think you should join me.”_

The words surfaced once again from the depths of her. She felt them like a knee to the stomach, or a fist to the jaw. The words were sharp, and they cut her to pieces. The memory of Suyin’s voice, thick with guilt. The way her eyes looked, so heavy with pity. The memory of their last meeting bled out of her, to seep between the cracks. She turned away from the window suddenly.

A young girl was sitting on her mother’s lap, staring up at Kuvira with her mouth wide. Kuvira tried to smile.

They had arrived. She stepped off the platform and stood still for a moment, looking up at the Beifong Estate. The night sky was growing, and behind the interconnected buildings stars were starting to shine in the sky. She took a step forward, and then another. She focused herself in the same way she did before dance recitals.

After the good news about the Harmonic Convergence’s outcome, Suyin had decided to host a last-minute celebration dinner at her estate. Hosting dinner parties was typical Suyin, but she had never thrown one so large. Kuvira was going, not as a guest, but as Captain of the City Guard. It wasn’t that Zaofu really needed security internally, but if she was going to have to be around crowds of people in close quarters, she’d rather be in armor.

Even from across the courtyard, she could hear the laughter and jovial voices echoing into the deepening night. As she neared the side entrance, she could smell roasted vegetables, spices and grilled fish. She ducked inside and walked down a dimly lit hall. She stopped at the door and took a deep breath. Then, she pushed the door open and stepped inside the room.

The lights were perfectly bright, warm and inviting. Then, there was the music. Metallic instruments, manipulated with a master’s skill. The dining hall was filled with people, all of them dressed in their finest formal robes. Suyin had outdone herself again.

Kuvira felt out of place, dislodged from somewhere safe to spiral in space. Still, she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the eyes upon her, following her as she moved with a practiced surety towards one end of the room to settle against the wall, her arms folding across her chest commandingly.

Eventually, through the crowd, Kuvira spotted Suyin. She hadn’t been trying to look for her. She was content with just watching the swell of people interacting with each other. She wanted to look away when she finally spotted her, but she couldn’t. From afar, in her house, hosting a party, with the glow of the lights playing on her face—she was beautiful.

Suyin was sitting with her family at the table. Her husband was beside her. He was talking to her, and something he said had made Suyin laugh. Kuvira watched as Suyin leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

Kuvira watched. She felt a million miles away. She felt like she was watching a scene in a mover. Everything was blurry. She felt like she was far beneath the sea, and the weight was more than she could bear.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Opal stand up and step across the threshold onto the balcony. Suyin’s daughter disappeared behind the curtains. Kuvira pushed herself off the wall and followed her.

Opal was down by the far end of the balcony. It was the side that looked out away from the city into the wilderness. It was a direction Kuvira didn’t look towards very often. Kuvira approached her. Opal had her back to her. Kuvira noticed that Opals hands were gripping the metallic railing tightly. She smiled to herself.

“Are you enjoying the party?”

Opal didn’t turn around. Her voice was cool and crisp, like an autumn breeze. “Yes, it’s wonderful.”

Kuvira put her hands on her hips and followed Opal’s gaze. There were a few wolfbats flying up into the sky. She could barely pick them out against the darkness, but they were there all the same.

“Too many people, if you ask me. I’d rather be reading.”

Opal turned her head ever so slightly to look back at the older woman. Kuvira saw the chance shining like a coin beneath muddy waters. She took it.

“Opal, I need ask you something.”

Opal slowly turned to face her. She looked up at her. Her eyes were green, just like Suyin’s, but they were wide with hesitation. She was waiting for Kuvira to continue.

Kuvira took a step forward, and she lowered her voice. “I’m not going to tell you to do anything one way or the other, but I need to know if you’ve told anyone… about what you saw.”

“How could I tell anyone?” Opal whispered, sounding lost. Her eyes narrowed sullenly. “Who could I tell? What would I say?”

Kuvira felt relieved, but she didn’t let it show. “I know how much you value honesty, but if you care for your family you’ll let it slide. You’d destroy them.”

Opal’s expression was hard and thoughtful, but any resolve she might have had faded into a helpless shrug. She sighed and her eyes closed for a moment. Kuvira could see the cogs of her mind turning. Opal was thinking it through. Kuvira could smell the win.

“You’re right, but that doesn’t mean what you did is okay.” Opal looked up at her, her eyes were shining green with liquid fire. “Stay away from us.”

Kuvira’s lips curved into a smirk. Her eyes narrowed, and she nodded her head once before she made her most formal soldier’s bow. Opal walked past her and disappeared behind the curtain. Kuvira turned to watch her go.

Just as she was about to go back inside, she heard footsteps on the balcony above her. Suyin’s laughter was bittersweet as it flooded her ears and echoed into the night.

“You’re not really going to bed, are you?”

“I’ve got a project review tomorrow. Two of them, actually,” Suyin’s husband replied sheepishly.

Silence. Kuvira tilted her head upwards to listen.

“Well, I’m just celebrating that the worlds been saved, but I know there are more important things,” Suyin’s voice was teasing, playful. She wasn’t angry.

“I’m sorry,” Bataar murmured. Kuvira could barely hear him, but she could hear the ruffled clothing as they embraced. “Next time, for sure.”

After Bataar left, Suyin followed. Kuvira stood still. She realized she’d been standing around a lot lately. Frozen in time, unsure of her direction. She hated being so indecisive. It wasn’t like her. It was weak.

She went back inside and turned down a hallway.

She had a pretty good idea where to find Suyin.


	5. Keeping Still

_171 AG_

Kuvira snapped awake. The sound of the knocking at her door had mixed into her dream. Her heart had been beating, hard and fast, pumping blood through her body. She had felt powerful. She had felt in control. What had she been doing?

She couldn’t remember.

She pushed herself out of bed. The light pouring in from the opened blinds made her head pound. As she passed the mirror in her bedroom she noted that she had fallen asleep in her uniform. The knocking hadn’t stopped. She narrowed her eyes and frowned.

“Alright. Alright!”

She pulled the door open. Yishu stood there with her hands on her hips.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“What—“ Kuvira took a step backwards.

“Where have you been?” Yishu demanded, taking a step forwards as her sharp blue eyes took Kuvira in.

“…Sleeping.”

“In uniform?”

Kuvira said nothing. Yishu suddenly looked amused.

“Did you forget what day it is?”

“Apparently.”

“It’s match day. I had to get you moved into the second bracket.”

Kuvira turned her head to the side. “I don’t feel like it.” She was frowning, and to anyone else she would have looked very standoffish.

Yishu saw right through it.

“Denied. You’re going. You owe me, _Captain._ ”

Kuvira gave up and let out a heavy sigh. She grabbed her things and followed Yishu out into the street.

“Sleeping past noon. That’s not the Kuvira I know. Must have been a crazy party.”

“Something like that.”

* * *

 

_Suyin’s library had smelled like old books. The room itself was large and round. The walls were covered in bookcases, and there was a rolling ladder that led up to a second story. The curtains were drawn, and the candles had been hastily lit._

_“Hold me closer.”_

_“You’re a lazy dancer.” Kuvira murmured teasingly into Su’s hair._

_“Well, we can’t both lead.” Su replied tenderly._

_“So out of the goodness of your heart you’ve given me the honor?”_

_Suyin’s soft laughter touched Kuvira in all of the right places. She could feel the warmth of Su’s body as the older woman pressed herself up against her._

_“Have you talked to Opal lately?” Kuvira couldn’t help but ask. Dangerous territory, but she had to know._

_“No. Not lately. I’ve been busy.” Su replied abruptly; uncomfortably._

She’s been avoiding you. _Kuvira thought the words in her head angrily. She wanted to pursue the conversation, but Su’s face was so soft. Her hair smelled lovely. Her soft hands clutched at Kuvira’s muscular shoulders. And just like that, Kuvira’s anger dripped off of her, like water off of slanted steel._

* * *

 

Kuvira set herself down at the octagonal table like a warlord might sit at in a map room. Her clever eyes narrowed as she scanned the board. Across from her, Shin raised his head and placed his fist beneath it. She knew he was only pretending to look thoughtful. He was waiting for her to make the next move and nothing more.

She flicked her wrist meaningfully. A number of sculpted metal game pieces flew across the board. Only the most advanced players would be able to pick up on her methods. To most, her pieces seemed to be haphazardly dispersed across the board. Shin sat back and stared.

She had been an avid game player when she first moved to Zaofu. Trounce was the only game she continued to study, now that she had moved on to bigger and better things. She had been told she had a natural aptitude for it. She didn’t disagree. Shin didn’t seem like he would disagree either.

“Your move.”

* * *

 

_“I want you.”_

_Su had pulled herself up to whisper the words into Kuvira’s ear. She still whispered, even when they were alone. Her voice blew sharp electric sparks through Kuvira’s mind, and she could think of nothing else than how Su’s lips had felt as they brushed against her ear._

_She wanted her, too._

_The Captain’s hands slid down the Matriarch’s neck, and along her slim shoulders. She grasped on to her upper arms and held her steadily; possessively, as she tilted her head down to kiss her. Su’s eyes fluttered shut, and she pressed herself even closer. When Su started to use her tongue Kuvira couldn’t help herself. She moaned into the kiss, and her hands went down, rough and desperate against the fabric of Su’s lavish robes._

_Why can’t want be enough?_

* * *

 

After the match, Yishu took Kuvira out for dinner, but neither of them were that hungry, so dinner turned into drinks.

“Oh man, Shin’s face at the end was classic! You _destroyed_ him.”

“Mm.” Kuvira murmured. She was looking out the window. It was raining, and the glint of the rain in the sun against the metal hurt her eyes.

“Okay, I’m enjoying it way too much. I realize this.” Yishu said idly as she took a big swig of her drink.

“It’s fine. I haven’t felt like myself lately.”

“Maybe the purple light thing fucked with your head. I read something about that in the Daily.”

Kuvira turned to look at her. “Don’t read the Daily. It’s trash.”

Yishu shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “You want noodles?”

Kuvira shook her head. She had known Yishu for almost 10 years, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t talk to her about that kind of thing. Opal’s hesitant, fearful faced flashed before her mind. Her angry eyes. _Stay away from us._

Kuvira couldn’t blame her.

Maybe the purple light _had_ done something. Everything seemed wrong. Different than before. Or maybe it had always been like this, and it really _was_ she who had changed.

She couldn’t tell what the truth was anymore.

All she could do was feel.

* * *

 

_With their clothing off, the difference in their body types became more obvious. Kuvira was bigger, more muscular, and her curves were slight. Su was toned, but she was shorter and more petite. They both shared the tell-tale signs of a dancer’s build, but Kuvira had grown into the role of a soldier, and Su had grown into the role of a mother._

_Su pushed the Captain of the Guard down onto the lavish couch by the window of the darkened library. Kuvira enjoyed Su’s rough side. She looked up at her, her eyes lidded and dark with need. Su straddled her, and then she leaned down to kiss her. Their kiss was less controlled this time, and Kuvira’s hands roamed Su’s naked body. She dragged her nails lightly up the older woman’s back, and she could feel Su’s body tense up above her._

_“Mm...” Su murmured as she leaned back. She raised her hands above her head and pressed herself down against Kuvira. Kuvira lifted her hips up in turn. Su bit down lightly at the bottom of her lip as one of Kuvira’s hands found her nipple between thumb and forefinger. Her other hand rose to Su’s face, and Su took Kuvira’s wrist in her own two hands and pulled her fingers closer. She kissed the dark-haired woman’s knuckles, and then she ran her tongue along the tip of one finger before she pressed it between her lips. Kuvira shuddered._

* * *

 

“What?”

They were walking back to her place. It was already dark.

“I said, the Daily said Varrick is coming to Zaofu.” Yishu was holding a copy of the Daily in her hand.

“Who?”

“Wow. Really?” Yishu stared at her.

Kuvira didn’t look amused.

“You need to read the Daily. Seriously. You can’t just read the Press. Broaden your horizons, or something. Zaofu isn’t the only city in the world, y’know.”

Kuvira’s frown deepened.

“Anyway, that Varrick guy is a wanted criminal in Republic City, but he’s coming to Zaofu to take refuge.”

Kuvira laughed derisively. “He thinks Suyin will give him a pass, just like that?”

“She already has,” Yishu said. Kuvira turned her head to stare at her.

* * *

 

_Su’s breath was hot against her inner thigh, and it was driving her wild. The older woman bit Kuvira’s toned flesh lightly, and then she looked up at her. Her eyes had a depth Kuvira only saw when they were together like this. There was a playful knowing, a cleverness. She knew how much Kuvira wanted this, and she was relishing in it. Kuvira reached down, and her fingers stroked Su’s hair._

_Su moved her face closer, and Kuvira drew in a sharp breath when she felt Su’s lips brush against her as she smiled. Then, she opened her mouth and kissed her. Soft, wet kisses right on her outer lips. Kuvira’s body tensed up, and she let out a breathy sigh._

_Su’s tongue was clever. She knew Kuvira like the back of her hand, exactly what to do and where to go. The slow, rough circles she was making with her tongue were already too much, and Kuvira slammed her eyes shut. “Y-yes,” she heard herself choke out the words, moaning them into the silence of the library. The party hadn’t ended. There were people down the hall, probably wondering where their host had gone off to. Bataar would be asleep by now. And Opal. Well, Kuvira just hoped Opal wasn’t sneaking around again._

_She reached down, and the fingers that had been resting on Su’s head tangled themselves into the older woman’s silver hair. She guided her, moving her hips against Su’s mouth. She was already there—trying her best to hold out._

_She opened her eyes. Su was looking up at her. Her eyes said it all. She wanted Kuvira to come. Kuvira obeyed. How could she do otherwise? Her abs and her thighs tensed, and she jerked her hips as a guttural moan tore itself from her throat._

_When Su had finished, Kuvira was still shivering with residual energy. She pushed herself up and pressed her back against the couch. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Su rose from her knees and sat in Kuvira’s lap. Kuvira slowly rose her eyes up to look at her._

* * *

 

“…So I told him to fuck off,” Yishu exclaimed defiantly as Kuvira opened the door to her apartment and walked inside.

“Brutal.” Kuvira muttered.

Yishu stood in the doorway to Kuvira’s apartment. She looked around. It was pristine. Minimally furnished. Tasteful, but to a fault. It almost looked like no one actually lived there.

Kuvira sat down heavily on the couch and put her arms across the back.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yishu said, sounding unsure.

Kuvira looked at her, nearly startled by the question.

“I’m fine,” she said flatly.

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you at rehearsal.”

“Yeah.”

Yishu hesitated in the threshold of the entranceway for a moment, but she eventually turned and shut the door behind her. Kuvira listened to the echo of her footsteps as she walked through the courtyard.

* * *

 

_Don’t make me leave._

_That’s what she had wanted to say, after they had finished. She sat against the couch, with Su’s head resting on her shoulder. Su had a habit of dozing off afterwards, and usually she fell asleep somehow on top of Kuvira, so that the Captain had to keep very still to make sure she didn’t wake her._

_She knew what would happen, once Su woke up. She would put her uniform back on. She would leave through the side entrance, before the sun rose. She would take the rail car back to her compound. She would walk down the empty streets, alone. The thought of the bed at her apartment popped into her mind. That would be where she slept, if sleep came at all._

_Kuvira kept very still, so as not to wake her._


	6. Do You Mean It?

_171 AG_

That night, Kuvira dreamt.

She opened her eyes to darkness. Complete darkness. Full, and deep, and hollow. At first she thought she had lost her sight, but when she tried blinking she could feel her eyelashes touching a soft fabric.

She realized she had been blindfolded.

She instinctively tried to raise her hands up to her face. Her wrists scraped against cold metal, and she realized her hands had been bound behind her back. Her mind snapped into defensive mode and she tried to bend the metal off, but it wouldn’t budge. Her breathing quickened, and she strained the muscles in her arms and shoulders as she tried to pull her wrists apart. The metal cut into her skin and she hissed in pain.

“You’re finally awake.” Su’s voice came from somewhere behind her. The sound of her lover’s voice didn’t put Kuvira completely at ease, but at least she knew who was responsible.

“What the hell is this, Su?” She growled.

“Are you angry with me? That’s funny, considering you asked me to do this.” Kuvira turned her head back at the sound of Su climbing onto the bed behind her. She suddenly became aware of her current position—face down, on her knees with her ass in the air. She shivered, realizing she was completely naked. Her hands had been bound behind her back, so all she could do was rest her upper body against the bed by her shoulders and chest. She smiled a horrible smile, baring her teeth. At any other time it would have seemed threatening.

“Oh, you _are_ angry,” Su said thickly, her voice lowering as she neared her. Kuvira jumped at the touch of Su’s hand. The older woman ran her fingers along Kuvira’s flesh, starting from the back of her calf and trailing her nails up along her ass, “Beautiful.”

“I’m sure I didn’t ask for this,” Kuvira choked out. Su’s hand was resting heavily on her ass. “Let me go.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Su slowly raised her hand into the air, and Kuvira flinched instinctively. She knew what was coming.

* * *

 

Kuvira woke up from the dream, covered in a cold sweat.

She stared up at the ceiling blankly, trying to think. The dream had been so vivid. Too vivid. The dawn light was just starting to creep into her room. She turned her head, watching as the light grew. Just before the sun had completely risen, she rolled out of bed. She snatched a newly purchased copy of the Daily from the table and walked out onto her balcony to sit at the solitary chair against the sliding glass door.

She pulled the paper open, still not entirely able to believe Yishu had talked her into reading it. The headline story caught her eye.

_Earth Queen Rocks Mining Town_

She started reading the story, and before she had time to be surprised, she was completely engrossed.

And just like that, she pushed the dream back down into the deep recesses of her mind.

* * *

 

Dancing always seemed to make things better. Even when Yishu was giving her the “what the hell is up with you lately” face at the same time that Suyin shot a meaningful look her way, dancing allowed her to let go of everything and just be.

Even after she switched from the role of bender to acrobat, nothing had really changed. If anything, the increased physical demands on her body only drove her further into her own mind. Feeling the sweat rolling down her neck, along the straining muscles in her shoulders and back. Hearing the pounding blood rushing through her veins. Her controlled breathing. The way her surroundings blurred as she flew past them.

Sometimes, she found herself smiling.

The showers and dressing rooms were in a connected building behind the rehearsal hall. She didn’t bother showering. She’d just be heading straight to night duty, and pulling the huge protective petals up around the city always made her work up a sweat. She toweled down her forehead and started to change into her uniform. Yishu was dressing into casual clothing behind her.

“When do you get off tonight?” Yishu asked idly.

Kuvira pressed the towel up against her neck. “Late. Why?”

“We’re going to Orihana’s tonight, thought you might be interested.”

“That place is still open?” How long had it been? She hadn’t been there since Su and she had…

“Yep. Normally I wouldn’t bother, but you’ve been looking so down lately so I had to ask.”

“And you think that Orihana’s is going to solve all my problems?”

“No, but it might help you forget them for a little while. Anyway, I’ve gotta run. You locking up?”

“Yeah,” Kuvira said distantly.

Forget. That would be nice, but how long could it possibly last? She shook her head and pulled her uniform over her head. Once she could see again, she noticed Su had joined her, a few benches down.

It was just the two of them. Alone, together. Kuvira turned her head.

The Matriarch of Zaofu was facing the wall. She pulled her dancing top off over her head.

“Jin hasn’t been up to par, lately. Have you spoken with him?” It was so easy for Suyin to control the conversation. Kuvira could feel herself already stepping in line.

“His grandmother passed, not too long ago.” Kuvira said tonelessly.

“Ah, I hadn’t realized,” Suyin said, more quietly.

“I’ll talk with him. He’ll be on duty with me tonight.”

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot you were on.”

“…Did you have other plans for me?” Kuvira asked, feeling stupid even as she said it.

Suyin looked down. She reached into her bag and held the jeweled necklace that usually hung around her forehead in her hand.

“I… had to give Varrick the guest house.”

Kuvira’s heart stumbled. She could feel the bottom drop out from her stomach. She smiled and made her way over to the older woman. Her boots echoed in the nearly empty room as she walked towards her.

“I didn’t care for the guest house that much anyway,” she said in a low voice, stopping to stand closely behind Su. She raised her hand up and trailed her fingers along Su’s side. Her skin was soft and warm.

“What are you…” Su began, but her voice trailed off as Kuvira’s hand rose upwards. Her strong fingers wrapped themselves around Su’s neck. She could feel Su’s throat working as she swallowed, and the faint beating of her heart pressed up into her fingers from beneath her veins. She tightened her grip and leaned forward, and her lips found Su’s bare shoulder.

“This isn’t right. We shouldn’t…” Su gasped, barely able to say the words as Kuvira’s lips pressed against her skin.

“You say that,” Kuvira murmured playfully, “but do you mean it?” Su sucked in a sharp breath as Kuvira bit down, hard enough to leave a mark. Su’s grip at the younger woman’s thigh tightened, and she pressed against her. Kuvira growled with need and pushed Su up against the dressing room wall.

Su put her hands against the wall and pushed back, grinding her ass against Kuvira’s thighs. Kuvira could feel the beating pulse at her neck growing faster. She reached her free hand up to Su’s chest, deftly slipping her fingers up inside her bra and cupping one soft breast. She could feel Su shudder with delight. It reminded her of all the other times that she and Su had been together. They had slept in the same bed, woken up to the same view. It had been just enough. Those quiet nights in the guest house, with the cricket white-noise and running water off in the distance; the sound the Su’s breathing as she drifted off to sleep. The guest house Suyin had given away.

Kuvira shut her eyes tightly. Su made a desperate-sounding noise as Kuvira’s hand left her breast. The younger woman reached back and unsnapped the bra. It fell to the ground in silence. Then, her hand travelled back to Su’s chest.

“Don’t tease me too much,” Su begged. She was moving her hips in that way that Kuvira knew so well; that way that told her just how much Su wanted it. She must have worked herself up into a frenzy during rehearsal. Kuvira hadn’t even noticed. Her hand roamed downward, across Su’s stomach, and lower.

They both drew in a breath when Kuvira’s fingers found the hot, sensitive place between Su’s legs. As Kuvira’s fingers slowly explored, they inevitably became slick and wet. Su was practically shaking, and she pressed her hands hard into the wall to keep her balance. Kuvira wasn’t worried. If she couldn’t stand, she’d hold her up. If she lost her balance, she’d keep her steady.

As her fingers flicked against Su’s more sensitive areas, she couldn’t help but go back to the guest house. She tried to remember the words that had passed between them. She couldn’t remember anything, and she hated herself for it. She wanted to believe that promises had been made. Whispered words beneath the moonlight. Words with meaning. Kuvira slowly opened her eyes.

Su choked out a moan and pushed herself up against Kuvira’s fingers in time with her movements. She was strong, and Su liked it hard. It didn’t take long for Kuvira to bring the older woman over the edge. Her body tensed up and she cried out as she came. The sound of it sent a jolt of desire deep into Kuvira’s gut. She loosened her grip at Su’s neck, and her hand fell down to hold Su steady.

Su turned to face her. Her face was flushed, and her lips were parted. She was breathing heavily, and her eyes were slits of dark, deep green. Kuvira brought her hand, the one she’d just gotten Su off with, up to her own lips. She licked her fingers. Su watched her in silence, and when Kuvira had finished, the older woman lowered herself down to her knees before her.

Kuvira stood quite still as Su pulled the Captain’s pants and underwear down by the waistband. Now it was Kuvira’s turn for her breathing and heartbeat to quicken, and her face to flush. Su could tell how bad she wanted it too, judging from the smile on her face as she leaned forward to give Kuvira a few well-placed kisses. Kuvira shuddered and pressed a fist up against the wall to hold herself up.

Her other hand was hanging limply at her side. Su reached up to clasp it, and their fingers became entwined. Su’s other hand was gently pressing against Kuvira’s thigh. The muscles twitched as Kuvira shifted her weight. Su squeezed Kuvira’s hand, and then she started to use her tongue. Kuvira raised her head slightly and sighed with pleasure.

Still, she had forgotten so much. Four years. How many times had they been together? Not enough, but still, too much to keep inside. She had let her mind run free, and now that she was trying to reel it in she found she couldn’t. The guest house was Su’s to give. She had given it to her, and now she was giving it to someone else.

Kuvira came hard against Su’s skillful tongue. The suddenness of it took her by surprise. The sound she made was animalistic, and it startled her when she heard it escape her lips. Su’s eyes had been closed, but she opened them to look up at Kuvira, and Kuvira looked down at her in turn.

Kuvira smiled. She smiled to keep the words in. To keep the words from spilling out. The soft, gentle words. The harsh, hard words. The warm blanket words. The sharp knife words. The desperate need and the painful hurt, swirling beneath the dark waters at the edge of the cliff.


	7. An Empty Sky

_171 AG_

I won’t look back.

I’m not going to turn my head to the side, or tilt my chin down and close my eyes. I’m standing in the front car of the maglev with my legs apart and my hands behind my back. A map of the Earth Kingdom hangs before me, but I’m looking beyond it. The muscles in my legs twitch as I hold myself upright against the wide turns.

It’s easy to smile. It’s easy to stand upright. The further away I am, the easier it gets. Distance is so powerful. I can only imagine what time will do.

There are slight vibrations, and out of the corner of my eye I can see the blur of the trees as I pass them and the mountains in the distance moving slowly away. All of it, so different and new. A new beginning. A fresh start.

_A chance to finally change things._

How could I not accept?

If I had known then, that our last time would really be the last time, would things have been different? If you knew too, would you have found a way to keep me locked inside your beautiful cage? I’m sure one of us would have broken; one of us would have given in.

But everything fell apart too quickly, and there wasn’t any time to pick up the pieces.

Behind me, the sun is setting. The memory of the orange light reflecting against the silver metal opens up inside my heart like an old wound, and I’m bleeding out in a river behind me. It’s a trail that I know you won’t follow.

I was the one who has always followed.

If I look back now, I’ll see Zaofu. My city. Your city. The city where you’ve decided to stay. I thought at first that if I looked back it would break my heart, and so I was afraid. But now I know the truth.

I’m afraid that if I look back I won’t feel anything at all.

* * *

 

_171 AG_

Orihana’s was more crowded than Kuvira had remembered it. She was surprised to find a line at the door, and squeezing through the press of bodies in her uniform was a challenge, but once she reached the second floor patio and she could breathe the fresh air, she felt better.

Yishu was sitting in a hammock with another woman. As Kuvira approached them, Yishu raised her glass.

“Kuvira! I didn’t think you’d make it!” Yishu was grinning, probably already drunk. Kuvira couldn’t help but smile. She sat down heavily in a cushioned chair across from them. She felt exhausted. After her “after hours” rendezvous with Su in the dressing room, she’d gone to do her shift. She managed it effortlessly. Being Guard Captain had come so naturally. Still, she had just been going through the motions. Her mind had been elsewhere. All she’d been able to think about was _her._

“This is Sei. She’s going to be planting with me next season,” Yishu motioned to the woman sitting closely beside her in the hammock.

Sei raised her pipe in greeting, and a wispy cloud of smoke escaped her parted lips and traveled upwards through the sharp bangs of dirty blonde hair that outlined her face. She was slighter than Yishu, athleticism traded in for elegance.

“Yishu has told me a lot about you. All good things, of course.” Sei’s lips curved upwards. “Not like she needed to, though. Everyone in this city who doesn’t live under a rock has heard of you.”

Yishu laughed and nudged Sei in the shoulder. “I think she realizes that.”

Kuvira grinned and crossed her legs at the knee, making a show of spreading her arms out to shrug nonchalantly. “Oh, I don’t mind hearing how great I am.”

“If I weren’t so comfortable I’d get up and smack you,” Yishu murmured.

Kuvira watched as Sei laughed and wrapped her arm around Yishu’s shoulders. The memory of sharing that very same hammock with Yishu, all those years ago, struck Kuvira like a rail car.

She wanted a drink. Instead, she looked up.

The domes of Zaofu were a metallic black. Light from the buildings below cascaded off the geometric surfaces. The domes were impenetrable. A testament to the Zaofu’s progress. Guaranteed safety, but for a price. The price was the light of the moon, or the sound of thunder off in the distance. Kuvira paid the price every night, when she looked up into the pitch black emptiness and felt it, reflected inside.

“Great? How about blind.”

The three of them turned their heads in the direction of the voice. A group of people were sitting around a table at the other end of the patio, just within earshot. No one was looking towards them, so it was hard for Kuvira to tell who had said it. She sat up straighter.

“You know they only care about Zaofu. They don’t even patrol outside the city.”

Kuvira’s heart beat hard in her chest. She glanced at Yishu and Sei. They were both watching her.

“Didn’t even make an attempt to help that miner caravan stave off bandits, and it was right outside their door.”

“Yeah. If you ask me. Suyin Beifong is no better than the Earth Queen.”

Kuvira stood up suddenly, pushing the chair against the wall with a thundering slam. She stood there in silence, breathing steadily.

The man who had spoken looked up from his drink. His eyes were hard, but his teeth were bared in a threatening smile. Kuvira could tell in an instant that he wanted a fight. He wanted to provoke her. She decided not to play his game.

She turned and left the patio. She could hear Yishu calling her name as she rushed down the stairs and out the door. Everything was a blur. Outside, the air was cool, and there was a slight breeze as she launched down an alley towards the rail car station.

“You can’t run away from this.”

The same voice from before echoed down the alley from behind her. She stopped in her tracks and listened. She could hear hurried footsteps, and they were coming closer.

She turned slowly, and raised her fists up as she fell into her preferred fighting stance. She could feel the power of adrenaline arcing within her like electricity. Now that they were alone, she wouldn’t have to be so careful.

“You’re right,” she said, and her eyes narrowed as she smirked, “I can’t.”

* * *

 

_171 AG_

There was a single light between them. Directly at the center of where the two women stood, quite still, in the dimly lit darkness just before dawn. There was just enough light to play upon their faces, highlighting their expressions in a warm yellow tinge.

Opal’s stern look, eyes narrowed, lips thin and almost frowning. Shoulders and jaw set. Body stiff. Tense. Reactionary.

Kuvira’s relaxed nonchalance, eyebrows raised, lips curved upwards. The bruise beneath her left eye from a few days before was just starting to heal, going from purple to blue to a yellowish-green.

They stood there in silence, cut into time like two iron sculptures.

“You’re up early.” Kuvira remarked. She tilted her head to one side.

“And you’re off duty, Guard Captain. Why are you here?”

Kuvira controlled her gaze, and kept her voice even as she replied, slowly, “I need to speak with Suyin. It’s urgent.”

Opal looked like she wanted to laugh. “I can’t believe you.”

Alarms rang out in Kuvira’s mind, and she could feel her heart starting to tighten up. She was in a dangerous position. She would need to choose her words carefully.

“What can’t you believe? The Matriarch hasn’t been to rehearsal or the city center since last week, so I haven’t been able to speak with her. It’s an urgent matter. I see nothing wrong with that.”

Opal weighed Kuvira’s words heavily, but her expression didn’t relax like Kuvira had expected it would. Her eyes were still hard and dark. Kuvira started to walk forward, but when Opal spoke again she stopped.

“She hasn’t been herself, and it’s your fault.”

“What are you saying?” Kuvira said, staring at her.

“Something’s wrong with her! She hardly spoke at dinner last night, and she has been going to bed early. I tried to talk to her about it and she didn’t even acknowledge it...” Opal’s voice broke, she looked equal parts angry and desperate.

“What did you _do_ to her?” Opal asked, and that’s when Kuvira saw the fear in her eyes. It was a familiar sight that had a strangely calming effect. Kuvira took a few steps forward. Opal took one step back.

“What do you think?”

Opal’s bright green eyes widened. She looked away. Kuvira watched her.

“I… I can’t do this anymore. I need to tell my dad.”

Now it was Kuvira’s turn to widen her eyes.

“We talked about this. You can’t—“

“I’m not going to listen to _you_!”

Kuvira’s vision blurred. The city around her was unhinged, and the metal was falling around her, or lifting into the sky. The domes were ripping themselves apart. The sky was dead and black. She could see Su’s face, shameful and guilty as her family, her husband, the entire city… learned the truth. And they would know the truth about her, too.

“No!” Kuvira’s voice rose uncontrollably. Opal flinched and looked suddenly very pale.

“Opal, you can’t. You don’t understand—“

“I do understand! You’ve tricked her, and now you’re trying to see how far you can go. Well, it all ends now.”

Opal started to turn back towards the estate, but Kuvira leapt forward and grabbed her by the shoulder, her hand slid down to clutch at Opal’s delicate forearm. Kuvira’s hand was strong and hard against her soft flesh. It was the wrong move, but what other choice did she have?

“You can’t—!” Kuvira started, but the way Opal’s body tensed up and her eyes narrowed gave Kuvira pause.

“Let _go_ of me!” Opal roared, and just before she had finished speaking she lifted her other hand up and suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge blast of wind came forth from her opened palm and slammed into Kuvira’s chest. The metalbender fell backwards, landing hard on her back. Kuvira raised her head to look up at her.

“You’re…an airbender.” Kuvira struggled for the words. Opal had already taken a few more steps back, and then, her expression changed all at once. Kuvira saw the hurt and the pain and the desperation mixed with the confusion and the wonder at what she had just done. All of this in an instant, before the younger woman had turned and ran back to the estate.

Kuvira didn’t follow her. She could taste rust in her mouth. She realized it was blood. Had she bitten her lip? She pulled herself together and shook her head. Whatever Opal did now, it was beyond her control. All she could do now was wait. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach.

She pushed herself up, onto her knees. She wanted to scream into the dark, empty night. The night bereft of stars and moon and sky. Her feelings, the words she couldn’t quite say, and all the questions in between, all of it was bouncing off the walls of this perfectly designed cage.

And still, a part of her wanted to warmth of Su’s bed, and the touch of her skin beneath the sheets as she slept beside her. She wanted to be the one Su thought about, while she took lonely rail car rides around the city. If she were stronger, she would climb the walls, or break them down. Instead, as the sun rose and the petals expanded, she went back to her apartment and slept.


	8. Forward

_164 AG_

Kuvira had made Suyin Beifong’s starting group. This, she had expected. She knew her performance during tryouts had been impressive, and already she could feel the widening distance, mentally and physically, as most of the other troupe members saw her as unapproachable.

The only other person at tryouts who was near her age had also made it. Kuvira had initially been surprised by this. Her name was Yishu, and Kuvira was mostly annoyed by her presence.

Yishu seemed to think that their similar ages meant they had some sort of bond. She approached her before rehearsal and was always trying to persuade her into joining her afterwards for lunch. Kuvira, as a rule, arrived early and stayed late, and so she consistently refused.

“You should join her for lunch sometime,” Suyin murmured in the emptying hall one morning after rehearsal. Kuvira turned her head to watch as Yishu and a few of the other troupe members passed through the heavy double doors, leaving the two of them alone.

“Why would I do that?” Kuvira asked idly after some hesitation. She was stripping the tape off of her forearm. She could sense out of the corner of her eye that Suyin was looking at her. She felt her gaze like a burn, and she suddenly became very self-aware. Her hair had fallen partly out of her braid, and she was slick with sweat. It wasn’t that rehearsal was inherently challenging, she just pushed herself, every time, right to the edge. And just before she lost herself she always knew how to take a step back.

“She’s the only one in the entire troupe who has the guts to try talking to you. Isn’t that worth something?” Suyin asked with curious amusement.

“You talk to me.”

Suyin smiled, but she said nothing more. Kuvira fell backwards into her own thoughts. Her exchanges with Suyin had all been the same. A few quick words, before or after rehearsal. Suyin talked with everyone, but she always seemed to save Kuvira for last. Still, their conversations never lasted too long. The words they exchanged were transparent and weightless. Simple words made in passing as the two of them geared up for the next activity of the day.

It always left Kuvira wanting more.

“See you tomorrow,” Suyin said lightly as she walked towards the door. As she passed, she placed her hand upon Kuvira’s shoulder.

“Great work, as always.”

Kuvira turned her head ever so slightly. The feel of Suyin’s fingers against her skin made her feel light-headed. She realized she had been holding her breath.

“Thanks.”

When Suyin left and the door shut behind her, Kuvira was finally alone. She exhaled heavily and stood there in silence with a strip of tape hanging from her forearm. She stood there for a long time.

* * *

 

_171 AG_

The only place left to go is forward.

The track runs a circuit, but it’s forward all the same.

People are starving, not more than a day out from Zaofu. They’re fighting each other for scraps. The Earth Queen used them up until there was nothing left, but even after her death there’s no release. They’re still stuck in reverse. No one deserves that. These people, more than anyone, need something to change.

Leave it up to me.

The memories of you are already drifting, deep into thick fog, hidden, concealed. Sometimes they surface upwards. I do everything in my power to keep my mind focused, but when I think of your lips, or the sound of your voice, it’s like I’m moving in slow motion. I can still feel the warmth from the gentle morning light coming through the window of the guest house. Has it really been 10 years?

...I needed you before I knew who you were.

But when I see the hopeless faces looking up at the train… slowly, everything drains away.

* * *

 

_164 AG_

“Wow.”

Kuvira was standing at the foot of Yishu’s bed. She had her pants back on, but she couldn’t find her tank top. She turned her head and realized Yishu had been admiring her. She smirked.

“You’ve seen me at rehearsal plenty of times. What’s so different with just my shirt off?”

“Everything.” Yishu grinned. Kuvira laughed and shook her head before going back to searching for her clothing.

“You need to remind me to fold my clothes in a neat pile next time. This is horrible.”

“Hey. I can’t help it if rehearsal gets you worked up.”

Kuvira watched as Yishu yawned dramatically and stretched her body out across the bed. Yishu wasn’t so bad looking herself. Kuvira still couldn’t figure out how she hadn’t noticed before. All it had taken was sitting down for lunch to make Kuvira realize that Yishu wasn’t half as annoying as she thought she’d been. At least most of the time.

“Oh, I see,” Kuvira said in mock anger as she strode over to Yishu and pulled the pillow out from under her. Kuvira’s tank top had been hidden beneath. Kuvira snatched it.

“Nice try.”

“Hey, it was worth a shot.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to stay…” Kuvira started, but Yishu cut her off.

“Listen, you don’t owe me anything, and you don’t have to feel bad about leaving.”

Kuvira looked at her, and for not the first time she wished she had Aiwei’s truth seeing ability.

“Don’t give me that face. We’re cool, go on,” Yishu said with a smile. Kuvira chose to believe her. She threw on her tank top and grabbed her bag.

What she had with Yishu was certainly not a rarity, especially in Zaofu, but she wasn’t exactly sure what she did she have with her. She tried not to think about it, but something felt wrong every time they just… went their separate ways. Their lives were like two curving lines, and occasionally there were points of intersection, but each time it was just that—a single point in time. Disconnected.

Still, Kuvira didn’t have any regrets. Yishu had been her first lover, and now they were good friends. They spent time together, and some of those times they opted to spend their time… closer together.  Neither of them seemed to have a problem with it, mostly.

* * *

 

Rehearsals were starting to heat up as the date for their first recital drew near. Kuvira could feel the pressure creeping up behind her, dripping heavily onto her like hot wax and muffling the outside world. There was a lot she felt she needed to prove. To Zaofu, the troupe, and to herself.

Yishu was fired up, most likely from their encounter from the day before. She was flashing Kuvira some horribly persuasive looks, and Kuvira was having trouble concentrating. It wasn’t like her, but she just couldn’t keep it together.

She managed to make it through rehearsal somehow, but by the end of it her mind was practically spinning, her throat was dry, and her neck and face were burning hot. Had she overdone it? Was she getting sick?

“You don’t look so great,” Yishu’s voice came from behind her. Kuvira turned her head.

“Yeah,” was all Kuvira managed to say.

“Must have been from all that fun yesterday,” Yishu replied teasingly, and she reached her hand out to touch Kuvira’s shoulder. Yishu squeezed the muscles gently before sliding her hand down Kuvira’s bicep. The gentle touch sent fuzzy spikes of pleasure deep into Kuvira’s gut, but a part resisted.

“Well, I’ll let you have a break,” Yishu said, without missing a beat as she picked up her bag and slung her towel around her shoulders. She waved, and then she was gone.

Kuvira felt oddly relieved by her absence. There was something about being seen at her worst that bothered her greatly. She didn’t like being around others when she was so obviously not herself. She’d need to leave. Go home. Take a bath. Get to bed early. Figure out—

“What’s wrong?”

Kuvira recognized Suyin’s voice, and she looked up to see the Matriarch approaching her.

“Oh—Nothing. I’m fine.” The words spilled out of her mouth, but she used that edge in her voice that commanded respect. This would be the end of a conversation; not the start of one. Not this time. Not even for Suyin.

Suyin, unhindered by Kuvira’s strong tone, continued her approach. She wasn’t buying it.

“You haven’t looked fine since this morning. Should I be worried?”

Her voice was a sucker punch right into Kuvira’s ribcage. It knocked the wind out of her, left her gasping. How could a voice do so much?

“There’s no need. Really.” She hoped there was an air of finality this time that Suyin would recognize.

“There certainly is,” Suyin replied smoothly, “I can’t have one of the strongest members in my troupe getting sick before our first recital.” She smiled sweetly, and Kuvira could feel her resolve crumbling.

And just like that, Suyin had convinced Kuvira to join her for lunch.

* * *

 

Kuvira had seen the Beifong Estate hundreds of times while riding the rail cars around Zaofu, but she had never stepped foot on the grounds. The layout wasn’t very different from the other compounds. The outer ring was mostly one large courtyard consisting mainly of gardens, sculptures and fountains. There were wide walkways all around the outside, almost like the spokes of a wheel, and they led up to a large stairway.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Kuvira saw Suyin’s estate in more vivid colors than she’d ever seen in the photographs. She suddenly realized how far away the Beifong Estate had seemed to her before, even though it had been physically so close for all those years.

Suyin caught Kuvira smiling.

“Do you like it? I spent a great deal of time planning it all out. Every single window and door.” As she spoke they walked towards the front entrance, and Suyin bent the expertly hammered steel double doors open as they approached.

“I’ve always found Zaofu’s architecture impressive,” Kuvira said idly as they entered the main hall. “To think that you built your home while building a city…”

“Well, the estate came later. When we needed… more room. Bataar and I slept in a glorified tent in the beginning. Sometimes I miss it.” Kuvira watched as Suyin looked out one of the large windows facing the courtyard, and she thought she saw her expression waver, if only for a moment.  It was an expression Kuvira had never seen on Suyin’s face before, and it made the blood in Kuvira’s neck and wrists pound.

Suyin seemed to realize she had stopped talking, and she turned her head back to Kuvira with her bright green eyes twinkling, and a wide smile on her face.

“But you’re not here for a tour, are you? Let’s eat.”

Kuvira was surprised to find that the Chef really did look like a pirate. Once she tasted the meal he had prepared for them, any negative thought she had in her mind melted away. As she ate, she could feel her energy returning.

As Kuvira regained her strength, she started asking more questions. She had learned about Zaofu during classes in her youth, but hearing about the city from the creator herself was an entirely new experience. Suyin seemed simply radiant as she spoke about the reasoning behind her decisions, and even after the plates had been taken away, the conversation continued.

Aiwei was the one to finally interrupt them. He appeared at the threshold of the dining room with a clipboard in his arms. He cleared his throat, and Suyin looked up and over at him.

“Oh, that’s right. Forgive me, Aiwei. I lost track of time. Give me a moment and I’ll meet you in my office.”

Aiwei nodded and left.

Suyin stood up, and Kuvira followed suit.

“Looks like I’m needed elsewhere,” Suyin said with an apologetic look on her face.

“Sorry for keeping you,” Kuvira said halfheartedly; she wasn’t all that sorry about it.

“Oh, no. These are the conversations I live for.”

Kuvira nodded. She hadn’t expected any of this. It felt like a gift. “I didn’t expect you to be so open about the inner workings of Zaofu,” she said, and her dark green eyes narrowed with delight.

But Suyin raised an eyebrow and smiled nearly imperceptibly as she replied. “Oh, I wouldn’t tell all of that to just anyone.” Kuvira froze, but Suyin had already started walking towards the doorway.  “Can you find your own way out?”

It was no wonder that Kuvira’s heart raced on the rail car all the way back to her apartment. Nor would it be a surprise that she opted not to meet Yishu later that night for drinks. In truth, she could barely think straight, but this time it wasn’t because of fatigue. She was giddy with nervous excitement and nearly vibrating at the idea that the Matriarch of Zaofu had found her worthy of select information. Clearly, Suyin Beifong had a reason for her actions, a grand plan in which Kuvira was somehow involved.

 


	9. Further and Further

_164 AG_

Kuvira pushed herself harder than ever in the weeks that followed her first meaningful conversation with Suyin. She was determined to prove that the Matriarch hadn’t made the wrong decision in trusting her, and she went above and beyond what was required of her, spurred onward by Suyin’s apparent interest. She wore her conviction like a heavy cloak, and the power in her actions kept everyone else at a distance.

She had never felt a purpose so strongly.

One afternoon, alone in the dressing room, she had found herself staring at her reflection in the full-length mirror at the end of the room. Her dedication was starting to present itself physically. Even though she was fully clothed she noticed the muscles in her shoulders and thighs, and she was just starting to see definition on her abdomen. It wasn’t just visual, either; she felt stronger.

She looked at her reflection in silence. A strand of hair had fallen out of her braid again. It was always the same one. She reached her hand upwards, meaning to tuck it back into place.

“I think it suits you.”

Kuvira looked up suddenly and saw Suyin in the reflection of the mirror. She had just appeared in the doorway behind her. Kuvira’s arm was frozen in mid-air. Confusion crossed her face as she motioned to the unkempt strand with one hand.

“This? But it’s out of place...”

“Or maybe trying to keep it tied back is the problem,” Suyin said. Kuvira thought she saw a smile playing on the older woman’s lips.

Slowly, Kuvira lowered her arm to her side.

Suyin stepped forward. Kuvira could feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. She cursed herself for not having gotten used to these encounters yet, but how could she when they were so few and far between? She could tell she was being awkward, so she forced herself to speak.

“I never had a chance to really thank you for lunch.”

“Oh, you’re quite welcome,” Suyin said lazily as she stopped in front of her own mirror. Kuvira saw her in the reflection, but when she realized Suyin was undressing she tore her eyes away. Another long stretch of silence between them, with only the sound of ruffled clothing as Suyin changed back into her robes. Kuvira’s jaw clenched for a moment, and then her entire body relaxed.

“I’d like to have lunch with you again sometime.”

Suyin stopped moving. She was looking at her, but Kuvira refused to look up. She had stepped out into thin air, and in the silence that ensued she felt like she was falling, hurtling down towards rejection.

“Tomorrow afternoon?”

Kuvira could feel the lightness in her stomach when she heard the reply, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself.

* * *

The air was crisp and cool, and the sun was bright and blinding outside the rehearsal hall. The light gleamed against the running water at the fountain in the distance. When Kuvira opened the doors she nearly squinted her eyes against the brightness.

Yishu was waiting for her by the steps.

“Lunch?”

“I can’t today,” Kuvira said gently as she took to the steps in the direction of the rail car station.

“Didn’t think so,” Yishu replied stiffly.

Kuvira stopped. And slowly, she turned. She was a few steps below Yishu, and she looked up at her.

“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind, you know, with opening night coming up.”

“You don’t have to lie,” Yishu said, and she smiled. Kuvira couldn’t tell if Yishu was hurt, angry, amused, or something else entirely. Her mind went into strategy-mode immediately, and she chose her words carefully.

“You think I’m lying?”

“I know you’re lying, and I know what you’re up to. And honestly? I don’t give a damn.”

“What… the hell are you talking about?” Kuvira forced the words out, trying desperately to keep her voice from shaking.

“I think we both knew from the start, but I’ve been more honest. You should work on that.”

Kuvira could feel her defensiveness flaring up like an old wound opening anew. Her green eyes, bright and flashing in the sun, narrowed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said it hard enough to force herself into believing it, and the words came out with a passionate ring. She turned away sharply, breaking apart the hollow silence with her hurried thudding footsteps, and she felt it echo behind her like she felt the piercing stare Yishu must certainly be giving her.

* * *

She didn’t go home immediately like she had meant to. Instead, she went to the bending field. She hadn’t been there in some time, though she had come often in her youth when metalbending had been relatively new to her. It was a mixed use training ground of sorts. Large, with many different fields and platforms arching upwards into the sky.

She took in a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. The sound of earthbending and metalbending in the distance all around her helped to put her at ease and wash away Yishu’s cruel, knowing look and the callous directness of her words. She shook her head and opened her eyes, and in the distance, she noticed a group of metalbenders standing in front of thin pedestals. Upon each, a chunk of unformed meteorite sat.

That classic exercise certainly brought back memories. It had been one of the core metalbending exercises she had been given when she started her training all those years ago, and she, like most clan members, continued to practice it daily to keep her skills sharp.

The meteorite was unique in that it was easier to bend. There were the common shapes one learned, but later she had been guided to form shapes of her own. Kuvira had never needed to concentrate very hard to get the metal to take shape. In fact, there had been a few times where a shape had formed without actively thinking about it. This, she had been told, meant she was a natural. They had told her that concentration, conviction, and continued study would lead to even greater things . She had believed them.

She stood in front of a vacant pedestal and closed her eyes. Where had she really gone, after all these years? What had she accomplished? Had she reached her goals?

What were her goals?

The metal shot into a sharp, elongated octahedron, pointed like a dagger at either end. Eight-sided, symmetrical, beautifully smooth and reflecting the light like a lover’s eyes. Kuvira sucked in a breath, surprised at the way the metal had shifted without her own insistence.

She smoothed the meteorite into a perfect sphere, bereft of any abnormality or flaw. She released a deep breath and the sphere’s edges shot in all directions.

“Icosahedron?”

Kuvira’s eyes snapped open. It was the second time Suyin had snuck up on her, and this time she was even less prepared.

“I didn’t realize you were here,” Kuvira blurted out. She could already feel the red heat creeping up onto her cheeks.

“I come here sometimes, after rehearsal. Helps me gather my thoughts and plan for the day ahead.”

“Makes sense,” Kuvira replied, and then she looked back down at the shape floating between her hands.

“20-sided, right?” Suyin stepped closer and stared at the meteorite appraisingly. Kuvira nodded slightly. She knew she was good, but what did the Matriarch of Zaofu think?

“The lines are perfect. Where were you going next?”

Kuvira’s fingers moved out, and the convex sides raised so that the point where each side met shot outwards.

“Interesting,” Su murmured. Kuvira raised her eyes up to look at the older woman’s face. “You doubled the edges and inverted the faces. Twelves exterior points... and twelve hidden inside. Kuvira was surprised at how easily Suyin had been able to place such a complex shape.

Suyin stared down at the sharp, pointed object. “So, taking that one step further…” The Matriarch lifted her hands up to just inches before touching Kuvira’s own. She moved her hands outwards while her fingers curled in, and the shape transformed.

“Forty faces, sixty edges, thirty vertices…” Kuvira nearly whispered. It was a shape she had never seen before. Kuvira felt the angles and lines of the metal in her own trembling heart.  She rose her eyes to meet Suyin’s own gaze and she held it.

“I’ve never seen that form before,” Kuvira managed to say.

“Neither have I!” Suyin said happily as she took a step back and let her hands drop to her sides.  “I’ll have to add it to the books. Would you like to name it?”

“You’re the one who created it,” Kuvira said humbly as she cast her gaze downwards.

“I wouldn’t have thought of it without you.” Suyin’s words stung Kuvira like a sweet poison.

“I can’t say I’m very good at naming things,” Kuvira said quietly.

Suyin paused for a moment.

“How about… Kuvira’s Star?”

Kuvira shrugged slightly. “If you think that’s suitable.” She realized with relief that she was starting to become more comfortable with their exchanges.

Suyin smiled. “It’s done, then. Well, I’m glad. Can you promise me that lunch tomorrow will be this exciting?”

Kuvira couldn’t help but grin. “I can’t promise it, but we can try.”

* * *

_174 AG_

I remember not being able to sleep the night before we met for lunch the second time. The sound of your voice and the look in your eyes all around me and as the sun set and the stars revealed themselves I wore the thought of you like a mantle. I still didn’t know exactly what you wanted, but I didn’t doubt you. To doubt that you had a plan for me, that you had so carefully chosen me amongst all the others, would be to doubt my own self worth. To think you didn’t want me would be like not wanting to be myself. I had to believe you had a reason. For my pride. For my sanity.

I had my apartment’s windows open wide to stave off the heat. I could hear night sounds outside. Crates being unloaded into the storeroom at the restaurant down by the corner, and laughter echoing into the street as groups of people headed home for the night. The night was alive in a way that sent memories of Ba Sing Se shooting up into my spine. Those have always been blurry memories, tinged with pain, and typically they only served to make me feel lonely, but my excitement to see you the next day drowned everything else out. You were the sea’s waves, and each time we met the tide came further and further in, until there was nothing left.

I watched the morning light cross the wall, and then I got out of bed. I reached for my dance rehearsal clothing out of habit, but then I stopped. It was more than that, wasn’t it? I had a single traditional robe that I hadn’t worn in forever and that’s what I chose. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection. Seeing myself dressed so formally made me smile. I raised my hand instinctively to tuck that loose strand behind my ear, but your words came echoing back. I think it suits you. So I left it alone.

You outdid yourself. You had it all planned out. The meal was exceptional. You had me try things I’d never tasted before; never even heard of. We talked about everything and nothing, and the words and the laughter came as easily as the stonefruit wine. When we were finished, you gave me what you called “the unofficial tour”. We saw the library, vast and complex with those walls full of books. We stood in serene silence for a moment in your immaculately kept garden. You steered us away from the east wing, where your children slept.

We reached the courtyard and turned towards a clearing. Small raised platforms, about waist-high, sprouted from the ground.

“This is what I really wanted to show you,” you said, and I looked over at you. You were looking out over the field with a satisfied smile. It was the smile of someone who had spent years and years working towards her goals and, having reached them, basking in the glory of that attainment. Admiration tinged with jealousy spiked my bloodstream. I tore my gaze away from you, and looked out onto the field.

“Meteorites,” I said as I stepped closer. They were all slightly different in size, shape, color and form. These were meteorites that no one had ever bended. Pure, asymmetrical, organic shapes with jutting, jagged edges.

“These are particularly rare, in some way or another,” you said proudly.

“Where did you find them?”

“They come from all over, really. Many of them are from the Earth Kingdom, but naturally we make trades with the other nations if one happens to fall there.” You paused.

“They fall beautifully,” You said, watching me as I walked into the center of the collection for a closer look, “Flashing in the darkness with a white glare, like a tear in the sky.”

“It’s quite the collection. Why don’t you show them off in the Origin Gallery?” I looked back at you. You were smiling modestly.

“I suppose I’ve been a little selfish, haven’t I? I don’t see these as the city’s property so much as my own... personal collection.”

I lifted my hand to place my fingers against the surprisingly warm, jagged edge of a meteorite. I ran my fingers down the side of it. Parts of it were smooth and indented, almost like fingerprints.

“That one fell near Ba Sing Se,” you said. I heard your voice from behind me. You were coming closer. Those quiet moments were still putting my heart on edge. Did you realize it then? Had you known all along?

I had said nothing in response, so you continued. “You were born there, weren’t you?”

I nodded slowly. “I can’t remember much of it, though.” It was hell. That’s what I didn’t say. I couldn’t say it. Not to you.

“Have you been back there, since you left?” Your voice was soft and careful. You weren't sure if I wanted to talk about it, but you certainly wanted to know. You could coax anything out of me, and you only improved as the years passed.

“No. I haven’t, but why would I?” I turned to face you. “Zaofu is my home.”

Your smile widened.

“Loyalty is very important to me, Kuvira, and you’ve more than proven your capabilities.”

You took a few steps forward. I could have reached my hand out and touched your face, we were so close. I didn't know what to think, so I tried to think about nothing at all.

“I’d like you to consider joining the Guard.”

“It would be my honor,” I replied without skipping a beat. I had always had my goals set high, and all those years of preparation seemed to finally be paying off. Zaofu’s city guard had some of the best metalbenders in the city, and initiation was by invitation only. I knew I deserved it, but would I have gotten there without you?

“I knew I could count on you.”

* * *

 

“Did you need me, Kuvira?”

Bolin’s voice sounds distant. I open my eyes. The floor of the train is only inches from my nose. I realize I've been doing push ups. I have no idea for how long. Sweat is running down my neck and inside my collar. It drips down my forearms and into my gloves. I push myself upwards into the ready position, despite the ache in my arms.

“Kuvira? Uh, wow. You are really good at push ups. I’ve always been more of a sit ups kind of guy. Back when I lived in--”

“Bolin.”

“...Yes?”

I push myself up to my knees and rise to my feet in one fluid motion. There’s a dull ache in my chest. Bolin is fidgeting. He’s still not comfortable around me. I honestly can’t blame him.

“Do you know why I asked you to meet with me?” I can hear my own voice, hollow and unfeeling, in my head.

“You… wanted to workout together?”

“Not quite,” I said flatly. I turn to face the large map at the front of the compartment.

“We’ve entered the State of Yi. We’ll reach the Capital soon. I just want to make sure you’re prepared.”

Bolin tilts his head to one side. “Well, why… wouldn’t I be? This is just like every other Earth Kingdom place we’ve come to rescue, right?”

“Not quite,” I say, and then I pause. “Airbenders will be there. Opal is among them.”

“Oohhh. ...Gotcha.” Bolin is trying his best to not look concerned. I smile charmingly.

“I wanted to make sure you were prepared to defend our mission, Bolin” I can feel my commanding voice vibrating in my throat. “You’re aware of how she feels about the path we’ve undertaken.”

“Yeah,” Bolin says quietly. He lowers his gaze sadly, but resolve brings his bright green eyes back up, and he looks me straight on. “Don’t worry. I can explain it to her. It’s been… a long time. Maybe this time she’ll get it.”

I nod, but in my heart I knew the truth.


	10. We've All Had to Lie

_171 AG_

What she had thought was dawn turned out to be dusk. Kuvira pushed herself out of bed and tried to remember what had happened. It came back to her like a suckerpunch to the gut. She held her breath as the memories rushed back in. Opal’s tearful eyes. The thin line of her lips. _It all ends now._

She slammed her fists into the bed and pushed herself to her feet. Surely, Opal had blown it all apart by now. She paced from one wall to another as the setting sun tore in through the windows and turned the walls orange. What would happen now? Would they take her away? Would they banish her from Zaofu completely? Would she be allowed to see Suyin one last time?

She could feel the tightness in her throat and the burning in her eyes. It was an unfamiliar feeling. She clicked on the radio.

She heard Opal’s voice.

“--didn’t really know what had happened. First I was about to fall down the stairs in the courtyard, and the next thing I knew I was flying backwards. I had my hands out to catch my fall, and then I realized I’d forced the air out from the front of my palms...”

Kuvira stopped pacing and stared at the radio on the table.

“I honestly don’t know what would have happened otherwise. We’re very thankful,” Suyin’s voice rang throughout the darkening room, clear as crystal. Kuvira bent the radio’s metal tuner to off.

So, Opal had lied. Kuvira threw on her uniform and went out in the darkening night. She could feel, just barely, the slightest fluttering lightness of hope, burning deep within her heart. Opal had lied.

Kuvira was thankful to be on duty that evening. She couldn’t stand anymore idle time. The command post in the central compound was buzzing with activity as the guard prepared to close the domes for the night. Kuvira watched quietly as a couple new recruits talked excitedly with each other. It was likely their first time, and honestly, Kuvira couldn’t blame them for their enthusiasm. Working as a team to bend the enormous metal structures was certainly an experience without compare.

Kuvira entered the command room. An aide dressed in a civilian administrative uniform was waiting for her.

“Good evening, Captain. We received a directive on the coms this afternoon. The Beifong Estate has requested a half dozen guards for a private banquet tonight. I’ve already seen to the scheduling. And... there was this. It came this morning.”

The aide handed her a sealed envelope. She recognized her name, written in Suyin’s formal script, on the front. She kept her expression smooth, untouched.

“Any news from outside the walls?”

The aide shook his head. Kuvira hadn’t really expected anything, but she was more interested than ever, after reading about the bandits outside the gates. Surely, if there was something worth knowing, she would have been the first to know.

“Thank you.”

The aide bowed and left the room. Kuvira turned away from the entranceway and carefully opened the envelope.

 _Please come tonight._   
_I want to see you._

Kuvira stared at the words. She could hear Su’s voice. She had heard those words before, whispered in her ear just before the end of rehearsal, or right after she finished her shift. She forced down the desire that threatened to rise from the burning ember at the core of her, and tried to be angry instead. It was foolishly dangerous for Su to have sent that letter. They had spent years perfecting the rules of their arrangement, and there were so many rules. Why be reckless now? Why take the chance of losing everything? And yet, despite it all, Kuvira couldn’t help but want to see her.

Kuvira held the letter so tightly in her fingers that the paper started to wrinkle, and she pressed it against her chest before she shoved it inside her breast pocket.

* * *

 

The letter burned there, against her chest, as she walked up the steps towards the Beifong Estate. As she passed the spot where her confrontation with Opal had taken place only a day ago, she fought with herself to try and forget. She was certain that Opal had kept her secret. Opal had barely been able to work up the initiative to tell her father. How would she have been able to tell the entire city? If anything, Opal’s new airbending abilities had turned out to be an excellent distraction, but Kuvira couldn’t help wondering how long that would last.

The people that had gathered inside Suyin’s estate was smaller in number than when she had thrown the celebration after Harmonic Convergence. Most of the attendees were either very close to Suyin’s family, or just too important not to invite. She didn’t have a mind to wait for Suyin to approach her, but just as she started to look around an unfamiliar voice rang out.

“Oh, this is perfect. Hey, you! Zaofu soldier person!”

Kuvira turned her head. A man with a thin mustache was approaching her. His hair was combed out and beautifully styled, and he was wearing the most expensive-looking traditional robes she had ever seen. She blinked.

“Just the kind of person I’d like to get to know.” He held out his hand. His nails were clean and trimmed. “Iknik Blackstone Varrick, Southern Water Tribe business magnate. Just Varrick is fine. I’ve just joined up with Zaofu’s technology department. Can I just say that it’s refreshing to be in a place where research and development are so highly regarded? If I tried to do half the things in Republic City that I’ve done here my assistant would have been drowning in paperwork. Right, Zhu Li?”

“Right, Sir.”

Kuvira realized a woman was standing behind and off to one side of Varrick. She had her eyes on the banquet’s food table.

“Well, Varrick. Anything that allows Zaofu to achieve progress and growth is worth doing.” Kuvira smiled perfunctorily, still unsure whether the man before her was a genius or a hack.

“Oh, I’m not just doing anything, I’m doing everything! And I’m going to let you in on it, because I like you. I’ve always had a thing for strong, silent types who let me finish speaking without interruption. So do you want to know the one thing that’s going to revolutionize Zaofu’s transportation and shipping system?”

Before Kuvira had a chance to nod, Varrick was already speaking again.

“Magnets!”

“Magnets…?”

“Zhu Li, the magnets.” Varrick said, without turning around. He held out his hand and the woman behind him stepped forward and placed two small, round magnetic discs into his palm. Varrick held up his hand to eye level.

“Watch! See what happens?”

Kuvira watched as one of the magnetic discs floated atop the other, a few inches in the air.

“Magnetic levitation!” Varrick yelled excitedly.

“Imagine a train without wheels, that can float above the tracks! That’s what we’re after. Isn’t it great?”

“Actually… that makes sense. Less friction means higher speeds. Faster acceleration. Travel time to other Earth Kingdom cities would be a fraction of what it is now. We could respond more quickly to--”

“Wow! You’re a natural. Hey…” Varrick took a step closer. “Why don’t you work for me?”

Kuvira frowned slightly and took a step back. “I can’t accept that offer,” she said flatly, and in her mind she thought of Suyin.

“Sir, they’ve just put out a new plate of those fish poppers you like.”

“Ah, wonderful! Well, It was nice chatting with you, but you’ll have to excuse me. I love those fish poppers!”

And just like that, Varrick and his assistant were gone. Kuvira shook her head. He hadn’t even asked her her name.

“I was wondering if I should try to cause a diversion, but I guess he left on his own.”

Kuvira turned around to see Suyin’s oldest son approaching her. Baatar Jr. wasn’t someone she knew particularly well, though they had spoken to each other in passing at events like this. He was smiling in that unsure way he always seemed to have whenever he spoke to her.

“He wasn’t bothering me. He’s actually kind of interesting.” She said honestly.

“I suppose interesting is one way of putting it,” Baatar Jr. mused, and when Kuvira looked towards him and met his gaze, his eyes went elsewhere. His hand went up to his chin, and Kuvira watched him as his fingers stroked through his bushy goatee. She recognized it for what it was: a nervous habit. She took a step closer.

“Some party, isn’t it?” She asked comfortably. She had always treated all of Suyin’s children the same, but in most cases, and probably because of their similarity in age, she felt the most comfortable around Suyin’s eldest. The one thing that always threw her off was how similar he was to his father.

“Oh, yes. Quite spectacular,” Baatar Jr.’s voice was passive and flat as he spoke, and his green eyes were glittering dark-green emeralds in the bright overhead light, “It’s Opal’s big day, you know.”

“But to us, it’s just another day, isn’t it?” Kuvira asked. Baatar Jr. tore his gaze away from the crowds to look at her. Kuvira was surprised to see him smile.

“You’re right,” He paused, sliding his fingers through his goatee once more. “You know, I haven’t seen you at the estate lately. Have you… been taking time off?”

“Something like that,” Kuvira said simply. Now it was her turn to feel awkward. She hadn’t been around because Suyin hadn’t told her to be around. Suyin. Kuvira’s eyes travelled up, across the crowd to scan for the Matriarch. She couldn’t find her, but she spotted her husband. Baatar Sr.’s gaze found her own, and in that fleeting moment, as they looked at each other across the room, Kuvira’s heart pummeled up into her throat, but all he did was smile at her. He smiled, and Kuvira looked away. She was now entirely certain that Opal had kept her mouth shut.

“That’s good. I’m sure it’s nice to be able to take a break from who you are, every once and a while,” Baatar Jr. said, and Kuvira found his statement so strangely cryptic that all she could do was stare at him.

“Well, I should get back. I’ll see you later, Kuvira,” Baatar Jr. said, and when he smiled he looked apologetic, as if their conversation had been an inconvenience that couldn’t be helped.

The conversations beneath the bright lights were suddenly too much. Kuvira sought out an empty balcony. She put her arms on the railing and leaned into the slight breeze. Her eyes closed as she took in a sharp, deep breath of cool air. It was possible that Suyin had meant for Kuvira to come later, after the banquet had ended. Kuvira had considered that, but she couldn’t wait that long. She smiled to herself. She had often been the last one Suyin saw at night; always sneaking around in the dark for her. Waiting for the moment that Suyin’s day had officially ended, and they could finally be themselves, alone, together.

“What is wrong with you?”

Kuvira opened her eyes. She didn’t turn around.

“It’s nice to see you, too. Congratulations, by the way.”

“How could you show your face here, tonight?!” Opal’s voice shook, but there was intensity in her words as they ripped into the silence. Kuvira could feel it.

Kuvira turned towards Suyin’s only daughter. Opal’s arms hung tensely at her sides, and her fists were balled up tightly, enough to make her knuckles white. Kuvira’s own hands were folded behind her back, with her elbows out at sharp right angles. Military style. Formal. Guarded.

“I’m just doing my job.”

“You could have sent someone else,” Opal spat.

Kuvira raised a hand, palm up, and held it open as she talked. “Security is a top priority for the Beifong Estate, and I’m one of the best.”

Opal’s eyes narrowed. “I had to lie. For someone like you.”

“We’ve all had to lie, Opal.” Kuvira replied quietly.

“Don’t give me that. Don’t try to imply that we have anything at all in common.”

“Yeah. You’re a good person, I’m not. I get it. Can we move on?”

Opal took a step forward. Kuvira dropped her hands to her sides. For a moment, Opal looked like she might attack, but there was a crowd of people just behind the curtain, inside the banquet hall. Opal seemed to realize this. She crossed her arms over her chest.

“...It’s not worth it. Please, just leave. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Suyin _invited_ me.” Kuvira said defiantly. It was the killing blow she had hoped for. There was a finality in it that seemed to shake Opal to her very core. The words pressed down on her, and she seemed to struggle with them for a moment. One moment. That’s how long she let Kuvira see her. And then, she turned. Opal was gone, and all that remained were the swaying curtains and the cool breeze.


	11. Not Tonight

_171 AG_

How long had she been standing on the balcony? All sense of time had drained away, and in the empty darkness she was rooted. Her resolve came back to her in waves, eroding the ground beneath her feet until she couldn’t stand still any longer. She was in motion. She had made up her mind. She was leaving.

She had already decided, out on the balcony, to head straight through the crowd with her chin up and her head held high and her eyes straight ahead. She had thought to shoot straight through the slowly dwindling crowd, keeping herself steeled against the barrage of laughter and the burning bright lights all the while. She had almost gotten all the way to the door before she slowed. She turned her head in one direction, and then the other. She wasn’t looking for Su. Surely, she wasn’t. And in the end, she made it out onto the courtyard without interruption.

She continued, until her momentum could carry her no further. She came to rest beneath a tree with a wide canopy of leaves. She wondered what the weather was like, outside the domes. Was it a nice night? Would it rain?

“Were you leaving without saying goodbye?”

“Su…” Kuvira said her name, and she felt her chest grow tight. She turned, and Su was already close.

“Kind of funny, since we didn’t even get to say hello,” Su said teasingly, and the softness of her voice was maddeningly sweet.

“Su, we need to talk.” Kuvira tried to say as seriously as possible as she turned to face her.

Su smiled. “Alright, let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t even know where to begin...” Kuvira said, her voice trailing off as she looked down. Now that Su was right there in front of her, she realized she didn’t even know what she wanted to say.

Kuvira felt Su’s fingers against her neck. Her palm was warm and soft against her cheek. Su coaxed her gaze back up, and she looked into her eyes. Su looked concerned, with a tinge of surprise.

“What’s wrong?”

Kuvira stood still as she pressed her cheek lightly against Su’s hand. Her fingertips brushed against loose strands of hair. She had wanted this. Craved it. And how easy it would have been, at that moment, to lean forward and raise her arms to pull Su in. To embrace her, and move forward. To kiss her lips, and forget.

But she couldn’t forget.

“There are bandits attacking travelers, practically outside our walls. Did you know?”

The hand at Kuvira’s cheek went still very suddenly. Su hesitated. The silence burned like a brand.

“Where did you hear that?” Su said in a voice as beautiful and clear as crystal.

“It doesn’t matter. Just tell me the truth.” Kuvira’s voice strengthened as it rose to a crescendo. _Tell me the truth, or it’s over._ That’s what her voice said. That’s how the light in her eyes cut in against the black and the green in the shadow of the tree. There was no mistaking her intensity. And while Su paused and searched for an answer, a leaf fluttered through the air and fell to the ground in silence.

“Of course I’ve known,” Su said flatly, and slowly, cleanly, she dropped her hand. Her fingers brushed against Kuvira’s cheek, and the sensation, however fleeting, was bittersweet. Kuvira’s sharp green eyes narrowed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kuvira said, and now the words came fast, pouring out of her and exploding into the air between them, fiery and hot. “We could have helped. We still can. If I’d known-”

“ _No_ , Kuvira. You’ve known from the start that we won’t involve ourselves in the Earth Kingdom’s business.” Su said powerfully, and her expression was complex. Her thin lips and narrowed eyes said everything. Controlled disappointment.

“But if we defeat the bandits now, they won’t _dare_ attack again. This is our chance to end things before they begin.”

“What makes you think that was their first attack?” Su said bluntly, and the weight of hit Kuvira like a club.

Kuvira said nothing. Her expression was unreadable. Su reached out and put a hand upon Kuvira’s shoulder.

“Kuvira, think about it _logically_. If we were to send our forces out onto Earth Kingdom territory, even for the benefit of innocent people, the Earth Queen could easily construe our actions as an act of war. We’ve been left alone for a reason,” Su paused. She looked around. The inside of the dome was lit up with reflected light from the buildings beneath. The light played against her delicate features beautifully. “Zaofu has a level of stability I’ve worked my entire life to build. I _won’t_ risk ruining it.”

Kuvira looked away, but her hard features seemed to relax slightly. She looked suddenly very tired.

“Why didn’t you at least tell me?”

“To what end? I can’t be telling you everything. There would never be enough time,” Su replied. She paused, seeming to reflect on what she had just said. Her eyes softened.

“And I’ve been busy, lately.”

 _You’ve been avoiding me._ Kuvira thought the words angrily, but she couldn’t say them. Her tongue was numb and dead in her throat.

“...I know.” She choked out. “You have a city to run.”

“And you have a city to protect.”

Su had taken a step forward, and the hand at Kuvira’s shoulder slid downwards. Insistent fingertips pressed against the fabric, brushing past the muscles beneath her arm. Su was leaning in to kiss her. Her tenderness permeated the air around them. The bright warmth was a clever liquid, flowing deep into the cracks of Kuvira’s composure.

If things had been different, Kuvira thought that maybe she would have given in, but things weren’t different. Everything was exactly what it was. She took a step back and pulled herself out and away from Su’s gentle grasp.

“I can’t do this. Not tonight.”

For a moment, Su looked surprised. Surprise became hurt. It was an expression Kuvira had rarely seen. She had to look away.

“Fine.” Su said abruptly, “I need to return to the banquet anyway.” The finality in her voice made Kuvira’s stomach turn. Su crossed her arms over her chest. Just as she was about to turn away, a voice rang out behind her.

“Ah, Suyin. Here you are.”

It was Aiwei. Kuvira looked up. He was standing just outside the shadow of the tree that they stood beneath. How had he snuck up on them without Kuvira’s notice? Kuvira realized he was looking between them. A small smile crept onto his lips. The light glittered on the rims of his glasses and the jewelry that hung across the side of his face. His face was like a mask; Kuvira couldn’t read him, but in her heart she suddenly knew. It came upon her like a wave crashing against the rocks at the edge of a cliff. _He knows._

Su turned towards Aiwei and returned his smile.

“You’ve found me. I was just heading back.”

“There is a rather... pressing matter. I had hoped to find you alone.”

Kuvira’s eyes narrowed. She was just about to say something, but Su took a step forward.

“Tell me here; now.”

“Very well,” Aiewei replied, looking unperturbed. “The Avatar and her entourage have heard about your daughter's new-found abilities. They will be arriving in Zaofu by way of airship on the morning of the day after next.”

* * *

_174 AG_

If I looked back on it now, would I be able to tell you things could have been different? If I knew then what I’ve grown to understand; if I held all the cards in my hands from the start, would I have seen it? Would I have been able to avoid losing you?

When did it all start to fall apart? The purple light? Opal’s eyes from beyond the window? _I don’t think you should join me._ Those were your words. Was it the guilt in your voice when you said them? There’s no use in wondering, but in these quiet night hours I can’t stop myself.

There are stars outside the windows of the compartment. The sky is full of them. I can barely see the wilderness beyond the darkness. There’s a mountain off in the distance. The shadow of it looks like the silhouette of a body. It reminds me of you, laying on your side with your back towards me. I would wake up early and stay in bed with you, drawing lines from the nape of your neck to the small of your back with the tips of my fingers. You made soft noises in your sleep...

I realize I’ve knocked the inkwell off my desk only because of the sound it makes when it meets the compartment’s steel floor. Before I have time to stand up, Baatar opens the door.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Did I wake you?”

He smiles and shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep anyway.” He glances around the compartment and his eyes rest on the overturned inkwell. “What happened?”

“Oh, you know how writing can be.”

He looks back at me, and he smiles. It’s these small moments that we share between us that keep him going, I think. I know how charming I can be, but all the charm in the world won’t lift the weight of responsibility. I watch him as he walks to the inkwell and bends down to pick it up. After he sets it back down on my desk he sits at a bench set in against the wall on one side of the rectangular compartment, but he's not looking at me. He's studying the map behind me.

I wonder if he compares this life to his old one. We’ve never talked about it. Suddenly I’m wondering if I should ask him, but I stop myself. His old life was a life that included _you_.

“What are you writing?” Baatar asks.

“A formal agreement for the Governor of Yi.”

“Do you think there will be resistance?” Baatar asks carefully.

“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t matter either way.”

“I still don’t understand why they resist at all. Their people are starving, they’ve lost their homes, and they’re constantly being invaded by bandits. It’s not living; they’re barely even surviving. How could they refuse our help?”

“They don’t see it like we do, Baatar. At least, not yet.” I pause. He's looking at me, listening attentively. “Part of why we’re here is to… re-educate them.”

He gives me a knowing look, and when he smiles I can't help but do the same.

 


	12. I'll Cover for You

Kuvira’s father had told her the stories of the Avatars when she was a child, before they had ever moved to Zaofu. She learned all about the adventures of Avatar Aang and his friends, and the Avatars that had come before him. There had been times, back in the Lower Ring, when those stories were the only thing that got her through the days.

Those were the hard times. The times that came clawing back up from the soft, unattended soil at the back of her mind, sprouting up to root her down, paralyzing all other thought. There had been blood on her knuckles. It wasn’t hers. She had hit a boy her age. Why had she hit him? She couldn’t remember the reason. And then there was the horrified look his mother gave her, as she ran to him and scooped him up into her arms.

When she learned of Avatar Aang’s death, she was mostly sad and partly hopeful. She had fantasized about being the Avatar for as long as she could remember, and even though she knew it was impossible, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, if she hoped hard enough, she’d be the chosen one. The harder things got, the deeper she fell into fantasy, and at night, when she could hear her father sobbing quietly through the paper thin walls, she tried to bend the water in the wash basin. Sometimes, she stood there for hours, until her muscles were sore from holding up her arms.

As things got worse, the stories her father told her became bleaker. There had been a drought. Her parents were exhausted and lashing out at each other. The distance her peers kept from her was widening. She had gone off alone somewhere, and it had happened all at once. A metal sheet sticking out of a pile of garbage vibrated for moment, and when Kuvira turned her tearful eyes toward it, it bent. After that, everything else fell into place.

After the move to Zaofu, her family was happier. Her father told the stories of the Avatars to her differently, and more often. These new stories were longer, more varied in detail, and with a different tone. Certainly, after the move, his outlook on life had changed, and so the stories themselves changed with him. The way her father changed affected Kuvira deeply, and the stories he told her stayed with her.

Kuvira was thirteen years old when the discovery of the new Avatar was announced, and by then, she had given up on her childhood fantasy. She learned about the Avatar in her classes, just like everyone else. A girl, born to Southern Water Tribe waterbenders. As Kuvira grew older, she continued to listen to her father’s stories of past Avatars, but she found herself drawn in particular to the news of Avatar Korra for reasons she couldn’t quite place.

Kuvira had never doubted that someday she would meet the Avatar. Zaofu was a small city, especially compared to Ba Sing Se, but it was an important city, and an undeniably vital ally should the Avatar ever need aid while traveling the Earth Kingdom.

But the Avatar had never even visited the Earth Kingdom. Not once.

* * *

 

_171 AG_

The morning of Avatar Korra's arrival came quickly. Su had kept her distance from Kuvira since their time beneath the tree at Opal's party, but Kuvira kept herself busy. The Avatar was finally coming to Zaofu, and Kuvira wasn't going to let her visit go to waste.

Sweat dripped down Kuvira's forehead, and it ran down the tip of her nose. When it dropped to the mat she heard it ring out, hollow and flat against the silence. The muscles in her chest screamed as she lowered herself down and held her face a few inches from the ground. She stayed there, quite still in the rehearsal hall as the sun rose into the sky and light crept in, higher and higher, angling further and further down until she could feel the sun on her naked arms and shoulders. After a moment, she slammed her eyes shut and exhaled sharply, keeping her back straight as she pushed herself up in one slow, fluid motion.

“You're here early.” Yishu's voice floated in from behind her. She could hear her bare feet padding up to her. Kuvira opened her eyes, but otherwise she kept quite still. “Did you hear about Opal Beifong? Apparently she's an airbender now.”

Kuvira could hear the sound of stretching tape as Yishu wrapped her ankles.

“I heard.” Kuvira said easily, before dropping down into another push-up. She could feel her muscles straining. Each one, harder than the last. She was pushing herself too far, and she knew it. She got to her knees.

The double doors at the front entrance opened wide. The sky behind the door’s threshold was blue and bright. Kuvira recognized Su's silhouette without even having to try. There was a moment, as Su walked towards them, where their eyes met. And Kuvira, on her knees and covered in sweat, could feel the pulse pounding in her neck. Her heart crept up to her throat and she swallowed hard, but it was Su who looked away first.

Rehearsal went by quickly. Through all the poses and jumps, and flying through the air, all Kuvira could think about was meeting the Avatar. Yishu was just a smiling blur, and for moments at a time, Kuvira wasn’t even thinking about Su.

She was hidden inside the enclosed petals of steel when Korra arrived, just as rehearsal was about to end. As the petals opened, and she raised an ankle to lock into her final pose with Yishu, she could see them out of the corner of her eye. They were watching her.

After that, everything happened too fast.

Kuvira went off to the side of the room to towel down her face and neck. When she looked up, she saw that Su had approached the Avatar and her friends. Aiwei was with them. Su was introducing herself.

Kuvira stepped forward. She couldn’t hear their conversation very well in the crowded recital hall.

Su turned, and when she saw Kuvira, she raised a hand and called out to her. She walked toward her, and met Kuvira halfway.

“Ah, there you are. I wanted to talk with you before I left. I’d like to give the Avatar a brief tour of the Estate and introduce them to Opal, but then I remembered about a prior engagement I had scheduled with the Daily.”

Kuvira’s heart dropped into her stomach, but she recovered quickly. She nodded once.

“I’ll cover for you.” Kuvira felt the weightless words melt into the dusty sunlight, but no matter how hollow she thought they sounded, a part of her knew it was the truth. She was still Zaofu's Captain of the Guard, and Su was still her boss.

Su smiled, and the radioactive warmth of it filled Kuvira’s lungs. She took in a deep breath. She could smell Su’s hair.

“Thanks, I’ll catch up with you later,” Su said, and then she paused. Kuvira realized the older woman had almost leaned forward to embrace her. Kuvira took a cautious step backwards and made to bow. There was another awkward moment between them, and then Su tore herself away.

She forced herself to look away, before she could watch Su and the Avatar and all the rest of them walk out the door together. Together, without her. It was too lonely to think about. A part of her wondered why, but a bigger part of her forced it all away, and when she saw her reflected in the changing room's mirror, she realized she was smirking.


	13. Not Tonight, Not Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers,
> 
> I'll be removing this message in a few weeks once it's no longer pertinent, but I'd like to apologize for my writing hiatus. I've just had too much going on, and I couldn't finish anything. In the past few days I've had both the time and the urge to finish a chapter, and I honestly can't promise that this won't happen again. In any case, if you're still reading this, awesome.

_??? AG_

In the slow-rolling fog, the sound of your voice echoed off the soft, ripe places in my mind, but your words were not entirely clear. Something about it was peaceful, like being beneath the waves. Beneath the soil. My vision blurred, and then faded. And then, everything went black.

* * *

 

_171 AG_

“You can just leave. I won’t be joining them. Not tonight; not ever,” Lin’s words exploded into the air like fireworks, but there was a sadness in them that the bitterness couldn’t hide.

“I can’t let you do that,” Kuvira said emotionlessly. Truth be told, her assignment was already wearing her thin. Why wasn’t she at the dinner party with the Su, the Avatar and everyone else?

“You can’t let me not do something? Don’t be ridiculous,” Su’s elder sister snapped back. She was sitting at the bench against the airship’s far wall, looking through the window onto the city below the landing platform. The sun was setting, and everything was turning deeper and deeper shades of orange. Kuvira could see Lin’s reflection in the glass, darkening with a rusty red tinge by the minute.

“You’re coming with me. Those are my orders.” Kuvira folded her arms behind her back and stood resolutely still.

“Orders, hm? This is Zaofu. I thought everyone did whatever the hell they pleased.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“And so am I. Are we done yet?”

“We’ll be done once I’ve escorted you to the front door of the Beifong Estate, and no sooner,” Kuvira said in a commanding voice.

“You’re as stubborn as she is.”

It was then that Kuvira had nothing to say. The conversation had taken a turn she didn’t anticipate, and she had nowhere to go. Lin noticed the silence, and she used the window’s reflection to look at the soldier standing statuelike behind her.

“Oh, so you agree with me,” Lin said in an amused voice. “That’s interesting. Did she tell you anything about why she did all of… this?” Lin waved her hand in the air in the direction of the city.

“The Matriarch doesn’t need to explain herself to me,” Kuvira shot back, her voice sharp and final. 

“So she didn’t, then. Not surprised. And I’m sure she didn’t say a thing about me.”

“In-depth knowledge of the Matriarch’s family or past won’t increase the city’s security, so I should hardly blame her.”

“Drop the formalities. I’m not some diplomat. Besides, I’d wager I’ve got more experience with city security under my belt than you do.” Lin pushed herself off of the bench by the window and took a few steps toward Kuvira. The grey in her hair betrayed the wild light in her eyes as she sized Kuvira up.

“What did you just say?”

“You heard me. But you know, if I have one nice thing to say about Su, I’ll say that she did a good job choosing you. You’d have done well in Republic City. The force needs more people like you.”

“Su needs me,” Kuvira shot back. Her heart was racing. Her chest was tight. She could feel the blood in the veins at her neck.

“So it’s ‘Su’, now? What happened to ‘The Matriarch’?” Lin’s lips curved into a smirk.

“If you’re not coming with me, I’m leaving you here,” Kuvira snarled. If she didn’t bring Su’s sister back, so what? Kuvira now realized that she wouldn’t be missing much.

“Suits me just fine,” Lin replied quietly.

They stood there, staring each other down in silence. The silence broke only when Lin’s stomach made a loud growling noise. Then, they both looked away.

“You know, on second thought, I think I will join you.”

* * *

 

Kuvira hadn’t been asked to guard the estate, but that’s where she went. It was quiet, with the sun slowly rising, and the insects buzzing in the air around her. She could hear the sound of water, cascading against sculpted stone, and for a moment she closed her eyes to listen.

“I hope you’re not sleeping on the job.”

Lin’s voice sent Kuvira’s resolve into a downward spiral. Immediately, and beyond her own control, she was on edge.

“What are you doing here?”

“That’s a funny question. Su invited me here, so I’m here. You brought me here because she told you to, remember?” Lin paused, “Besides, I spoke with Opal last night, and she told me to stay away from you, so now I’m intrigued.”

Kuvira said nothing.

“Why would she say that, I wonder? The Matriarch’s daughter?”

“Weren’t you supposed to be leaving this afternoon?”

“I wish. Su convinced the Avatar to stay longer. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you. Then again, if you’d been at the dinner party last night you’d have already known. Where were you, anyway?”

But Kuvira couldn’t answer. She was already walking away.

* * *

Su moaned into Kuvira’s neck. The younger woman was strong; stronger than usual, and she didn’t hold back as she pushed Su up against the wall. Su’s arms encircled her to clasp at the small of her back and pull her in further. She lifted her legs upwards, and her thighs pressed down against Kuvira’s sides. Kuvira held her up against the wall, and one hand deftly maneuvered downwards, groping at her ass as she pressed her hips inwards.

“Mm...” Su murmured, and Kuvira could feel the heat of her breath melt softly against her neck. Su arched her back when Kuvira’s hand finally found her, roughly, between her shaking legs. She begged and pleaded, and Kuvira obliged.

Afterwards, they slid to the floor. Kuvira let Su’s head rest on her chest. Su was gently sucking on the tips of Kuvira’s fingers.

“How did you know where to find me?”

“It’s just after lunch. You take tea in your study.”

“You’re too good. You know that, right?” Then, Su exhaled deeply, and cuddled up against Kuvira’s solid frame.

“Something wrong?” Kuvira asked, reaching up touch Su’s cheek with her free hand. Her fingers glanced the older woman’s cheek, and brushed against her hair. When Su nibbled at the tip of her finger, she felt a shuddering warmth flow up from her gut to her throat.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Su paused. “I thought there was something wrong… between us. And after Opal’s banquet, when you didn’t want… well, I didn’t know what to think.”

Kuvira’s lips twitched up into a smile. “Were you worried?”

“I suppose you could say that.”

“I’m sorry. I know you’ve got a lot going on right now.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Things will go back to the way they were, once all of this is over.”

“Yeah,” Kuvira murmured. And then she closed her eyes.

* * *

 

The Avatar was like a ghost to me. I could feel her presence in the Estate, but she was nowhere to be found. I paused in the dining room. I looked at the seats. She had sat here, I thought. Or maybe here. She had sat in one of these seats, and she had eaten the meal they had brought to her. Surely, I thought, she had inquired about the inner workings of Zaofu, or at least about the Matriarch herself. If she hadn’t, Su would have prompted her. She never could resist talking about herself.

I’ll be the first to admit that she knows how to tell a good story.

But I hadn’t been there, that night, in the dining hall, and now I can feel her presence only in the echoes of the made-up events and false stories I’ve woven for myself. Still, I wanted to find her. I wanted to talk to her. If there was anyone who’d listen to me, about the bandits, the Earth Queen, and… everything… surely, it would be Avatar Korra.

I searched for her, and in the empty hallways I could sense her. She was close, but she was moving. I tracked her into the courtyard. It was night, and the dome was closed. I noted the lights from the amphitheatre, burning and reflecting upwards against the dead void in the sky. I moved towards it, and then I saw her. The Avatar was standing in the center of the stage. Her back was straight, and I could see the muscles beneath, strong and relaxed. I crept closer, not wanting to disturb her.

When I had gathered my composure and made to step into the light, that’s when she moved. She held out her hand. She was smiling, but she wasn’t looking at me.

Opal stepped forward, and I could feel the wind rush up from behind me, flowing through me, and into the center of the amphitheater. They circled each other, like in battle or in dance. They moved their hands in silence; in a language I could barely understand. I watched, unseen.

Opal was smiling, too.

 


	14. Don't Pretend You Care

_171 AG_

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you for another hour, Captain.”

Kuvira barely heard his voice as she pushed the logistics room’s door aside. She realized after a moment that Hong Li was assigned to the graveyard shift. She smiled wearily. New recruits always got the graveyard shift. She remembered her own long, quiet nights. Back then, she had thought about what to say the next time she saw Su, and then, years later, she’d thought about how she wanted to fuck her. What a luxury it was, that idle time.

“Wanted to get my day started early. Anything to report?”

“Just the usual. We didn’t see anything on patrol, and we went out further than ever before.”

Kuvira strode over to her desk and picked up the patrol logbook, paging through it idly.

“Hope you’re not planning on taking that, too,” Hong Li said playfully, but the smile of his face faded away quickly when he noticed that Kuvira was looking at him strangely.

“What are you talking about?”

“The schedule and movements logbook? Aiwei came by last night to pick it up for you.”

* * *

 

Kuvira had been torn, at first. Should she confront Aiwei, or go straight to Su? In the end, she decided that approaching Aiwei directly would mean tipping him off to her suspicions. There was definitely something to be suspicious about. Whatever reason Aiwei had to snatch the logbook last night had nothing to do with her. She circled back to the Beifong Estate. Su would just be finishing breakfast. No rehearsal. Su had enacted an indefinite hold on all dance practices that required her presence until after the Avatar’s departure.

“What’re you doing, just standing around?”

By this time, Kuvira could recognize Lin’s voice. Su’s older sister was approaching two soldiers on watch outside the gates. She looked a strange combination of frantic and fatigued.

“Make yourselves useful!” Lin roared. The soldiers, startled, looked around for help. They certainly hadn’t been trained to deal with their current situation. Kuvira felt suddenly protective, but just as she was about to step forward, she saw Aiwei appear from the shadows of a hallway.

Aiwei took all of Lin’s attention as the soldiers crept away. Lin said something to Aiwei, but Kuvira was too far away to hear. Aiwei looked… concerned. Lin shook her head, and seemed about to leave, but Aiwei said something that held her back. He took something out of his pocket and held it out to her. A card of some sort. She took it, looked at it sceptically, and then put it into the pocket of her uniform.

She left. Kuvira followed.

* * *

 

_174 AG_

When I met your mother for the first time, I was beyond scared. You told me she was harsh, and I didn’t listen. I was so confident. What did I have to be afraid of?

Sure, I’d passed her statue twice a day for the past 22 years. And who could grow up in Zaofu without learning about the Matriarch's mother? She had so many stories, but you were never the one to tell them, and for a very long time I thought that maybe you didn’t have a very good relationship.

You wanted me to meet her, but you never told me why.

“If you want me to meet her, let’s meet her,” I’d said, as I trailed kisses down your neck.

“It’s not really that easy,” your breathless response came back.

But eventually, she did show up at Zaofu’s gates. Not by airship. Not by carriage. By foot. People didn’t know what to think, but everyone was excited. Toph was already a legend; had been for some time.

I didn’t expect to spend much time with her. She wanted to be with you, of course. She wanted to meet your family. I had prepared myself for that eventuality. So imagine my surprise, when you told me you wanted me to give her a tour of the city.

* * *

 

_164 AG_

“You can spare me. I’ve seen enough. If you ask me, I think she just wants me out of her house for five seconds. She’s not used to being around family for so long. None of us are.”

Kuvira froze up. It was so unlike her, but Toph had that effect on people. She stared at the recital hall in the distance feeling uncharacteristically speechless as the railcar travelled along the outer tracks.

“Su’s around her family all day,” Kuvira replied as evenly as possible.

Toph turned her head, and a smile crept onto her lips.

“So you’re the Guard Captain?”

“I am,” Kuvura glanced over at her. Toph’s smile was unnerving.

“You remind me of my other daughter,” Toph mused.

“The one that hasn’t visited Su in over 20 years?” Kuvira said aggressively, immediately regretting it.

“It’s family stuff. No use in explaining,” Toph muttered, but Kuvira was just thankful that she didn’t react more strongly. Kuvira sighed inaudibly and looked across the city. The metal floor panels at the Beifong Estate were reflecting the sunlight.

They didn’t speak for a long time. Kuvira thought that perhaps the conversation was over, but it wasn’t.

“I’m not coming back. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever.”

The suddenness of her words and the change in her tone startled Kuvira. She grabbed onto the railing with one hand and steadied herself as the railcar went into a deep turn.

“I can’t tell Su. She’ll throw a fit. But I want someone to know.”

“Why tell me? I’m just a soldier-”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

Toph moved, and in that fleeting moment Kuvira noticed Toph’s meteorite bracelet slip down her wrist. The metal was vibrating wildly against her skin. Kuvira’s eyes widened, but it was too late. Toph moved her hand, and the railcar came to a stop in front of one of the service platforms. She stepped out into the light.

“Well, that was a great tour. Some nice fresh air, and spending time with someone who wasn’t so completely in awe of me that they couldn’t string more than a few words together.”

She left the next morning.

* * *

 

Kuvira wasn’t entirely sure what to expect as she followed Lin into Zaofu’s main trade district. It was quite a different atmosphere than at the estate. The roads were thin and crowded, and the buildings were closer together. Most of the entranceways were open, and there were signs hanging above the frames, or on signposts out front. This part of the city, more than any other, reminded Kuvira of Ba Sing Se. She typically tried to avoid it, but she knew her way around.

Lin turned down a corner, and Kuvira rounded it just in time to see her duck into the doorway of… an acupuncturist?

Kuvira frowned slightly. Aiwei had sent Lin… here? She shook her head. It didn’t make sense. She’d just have to wait it out.

It didn’t take long for Lin to come back out. From across the street, Kuvira could see that Lin looked even worse than before. Her hair was damp and tangled, and there was sweat running along her face and down her neck and shoulders. Somehow, she’d lost her uniform jacket and was clad only in a sleeveless white tank top. Lin squinted her eyes and held up her hand against the sunlight as she stumbled past the door frame and into the street.

“You don’t look too good,” Kuvira said as she crossed the street.

“Did you follow me here? You really need to find something better to do with your time.”

“Aiwei asked me to check on you,” Kuvira lied.

“Oh, well a great help _he_ was. No. I’m done with this needle-bending hack,” Lin spat as she motioned back inside. Then, she tried to push past her, but she lost her balance and put her hand against the building to hold herself up instead.

“...what the hell did he do to me, anyway?”

“I’m going to bet you didn’t stay for the entire session,” Kuvira said flatly. In all honesty, she wasn’t surprised. Patience and understanding didn’t seem like one of Lin’s strong suits. “You really shouldn’t be trying to walk right now.”

“Hah, yeah. Don’t pretend you care. I know that you’re just here because Su sent you. Do you think I’m an idiot?”

Kuvira narrowed her eyes. She had been prepared to catch Lin if she fell, but now she took a step back and clenched her fists.

“Do you really think Su cares enough about you to bother with all that?” Kuvira snapped, anger in her voice heating up inside her like stoked coal. “She barely even mentioned you. She’s made a life here. She has a family. She built an entire city. What have _you_ done?”

Lin smirked and looked amused. “Oh, that’s good. I’m sure she never mentioned what she did before her glorious new life. I’m not surprised. She was never good at being honest.”

“You’re just-”

“Jealous?” Lin cut her off. “Give me a break. I would _never_ want to trade places with her. Wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“You’d do well to shut your mouth, before you say something I can’t forgive.” Kuvira snarled. Part of her wanted to just walk away, but something at the back of her mind was holding her back. The deepest, darkest parts of her truly wanted to hear what Lin had to say.

Lin took an unsteady few steps forward, closing in on Kuvira easily.

“See this?” Lin touched the side of her own face, where the two thin scars traveled down from cheek to neck. This close, and in the bright sunlight, Kuvira couldn’t help but focus on the thin, pink-tinged scar tissue, thicker near the neck and ending in sharp points at the tips. Kuvira knew enough about battle wounds to know that these had been caused a long time ago.

“This is one of the things Su did, before our mother threw her out.”

Kuvira took a step back.

“You’re lying. She would never do that.”

Lin laughed bitterly.

“I don’t need you to believe me to know that what I said is true. But I won’t bother wasting any more of my time on someone like you.”

And with a sudden burst of strength, Lin managed to push past Kuvira as she traveled back towards the main road.

Kuvira didn’t turn to watch her go.

 


End file.
